Horny Herman Thought Pokeman Was A Porno

Horny Herman Cain has finally admitted that he quoted a theme song to Pokeman in one of his debate speeches.  Of course, in fairness to Herman Cain, he probably thought Pokeman was a guy like him, trying to poke his schlong into anything that moved.  If he had known that Pokeman was actually just for sexless geeks who got no game where it counts, then he probably would have been like "Aww Hell NO!"....except that actually it sounds like Cain couldn't figure out how to score very successfully either, even when using "do you want a job or not" as his principal pickup line.  Oh well, I got to use up the last of my Herman Cain jokes before he completely vanishes from the public consciousness, which will be about another five seconds from now.

Plastic Mitt Romney Now 3rd Place Behind Newt and Crazy Ronny

The exit of Pokemon-quoting halfwit Herman Cain has blasted the Newtered Newt Gingrich into undeserved front-runner status, but now apparently crazy Ronny Paul is in SECOND PLACE in IOWA. What happened to the PLASTIC-HAIRED MORMON, you might be asking?  Well the news looks bad for Plastic Man Mitt, the only serious candidate that Republicans had.  Plastic Mitt has now dropped to THIRD PLACE behind these two jokers because apparently Republicans have just COMPLETELY GIVEN UP on winning the Presidency in 2012.  The odds of boring, absent-minded history professor Newt, turned lecher and lobbyist, beating a dynamic incumbent like Obama are essentially non-existent.

However, in some ways it is deeply ironic that Newt Gingrich, the architect of the economic free-fall we have today, the champion of tax cuts for the rich and spending cuts for the poor, the quintessential trickle-down, voodoo economics cheerleader, may now be made to answer for the ruin and devastation that Republican policies have caused for this country.  This is the man who abolished those pesky regulations on Wall Street and banking, and thinks it's a great thing for US firms to fire American workers and send the jobs overseas to China.  This is a guy who think that child labor laws in the US are stupid and that poor children should be put to work as janitors in their schools.  Newt went on to say that the only work experience that poor children in the US have is committing illegal activities.  Of course none of this is consistent with actual facts, but this is the "scholar" that Republicans have now chosen over Mr. Poke-it-in Pokeman Herman Cain.