Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Why being pope is the easiest job in the world (part 2)

OK, so I get that Benedict is like 100 years old.  But you could be 150 year old  chimp and still do that job reasonably well.  First off, with enough funny hats and robes and a little bit of makeup (alright, maybe a little plastic surgery too), nobody would be able to tell you were a chimp.  Oh and you might need a few voice lessons, but John Paul II proved that you don't need much of a speaking voice.  Grunting is more than sufficient.
As with most things, the problem is that most people "over-think" it.  Now suppose that someone asks you some ridiculously tough question with no obvious right answer.  You don't have to be a genius to respond.  Here's all you gotta do.  Say, "Good question my son/daughter!  Let's pray together and see what God's answer is."  This will be enough for most people, because they will answer their own question and then say it's what God told them.  But for those who come back you can be like, "Oh, you again, eh?  Still didn't get an answer?  Did you read the Bible?  Twice?  And no skipping the boring parts!  That's what I thought!"  Note that actually, no matter how many times the person says he or she read the Bible, you will say, "Go back and read it ONE MORE TIME.  Oh, and make sure to pray (A LOT) for your answer while you're doing it."  If they still come back after that then you can lay some super-vague fortune cookie wisdom on them or quote them the lyrics of a pop song and if they still say, "How do you know that?" you just tell them, "Because I'm the Pope, that's why.  Next!"
Aside from that, being pope is just like being one of those mascot guys who get paid to dress in a costume outside some low rent business and dance around until people come inside.  Of course, if you're 150, you'll hire a "Pope double" or a "stunt Pope" to do those parts for you.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Pope Benedict Quits Easiest Job in World

OK, let me get this straight.  Pope Benedict has the absolute easiest, softest job in the world and he thinks its too hard, so we wants to resign.  I mean, let's get real, how hard is it really to be the Pope?  Is holding your gold and jewel encrusted scepter really that tough?  Does wearing the goofy hat make your neck muscles hurt? Is it that hard to live in palaces filled with priceless artwork and sit on the softest pillows atop your thrones and pulpits?

You are basically a king -- one of the last divine right monarchs in Europe -- and have people to do absolutely everything for you including wipe. That's why nobody has resigned the job in the last 600 years.

Now, I know people are still going to say that it must be "stressful" and compare it to being President of the US (POTUS), or some other head of state.  However, really, it is nowhere near as hard as being the POTUS.  For one thing, they can't vote you out of office no matter what you do.  Secondly, you don't have to convince anyone of anything.  It might be like the Supreme Court, but there is only one of you, and your word is law.  Plus, your decisions don't have to make a lick of sense.  In fact, it's better if nobody understands them.

You ain't gonna find an easier or better paid job, and it's not like Benedict had a lot of other marketable job skills.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Ding Dong Benedict Resigns. Term Limits for Popes?

Pope BeenADick has been the pope now for 8 years, but is now doing perhaps the most beneficial thing of his entire career, which is to resign from it.  He is quoted as saying, "I recognize my incapacity", but many of the rest of us recognized this before Ratzinger even elevated himself to this ill-considered position.  He was clearly far beyond retirement age even when he started as the Pope.  Granted he may have been more mentally functional than John Paul II.  However, so were most carrots on an average day.

As expected, his abortive little stint in the bully (literally) pulpit of Church was one last ditch effort to turn the clock back in many ridiculous ways.  Fortunately it failed.

However, his 8 year reign of errors does bring up a point about the terms that popes serve.  Even American presidents only serve 8 years.  Surely we shouldn't have to suffer popes even longer than that.

BTW, we can only hope that the Catholic leadership will seize this opportunity to find a progressive leader, though I wouldn't hold my breathe.  One could be waiting for a lot more than 8 years for that.