Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Fake "War On Christmas" Has Flopped This Season

Religious fanatics spent the last couple of years insisting that there was a "War on Christmas", but apparently everyone is tired of their bullSh1t and nobody cares anymore if people say "happy holidays" or "seasons greetings".  It turns out, as the Daily Telegraph reports, all of this has been a fabrication anyway.

We're all tired of them screaming about boycotting stores that use words other than Christmas.  The end of the year is a time to relax and take some vacation, and the last thing that people want to do is listen to morons playing "word laywer" about how saying "xmas" is "taking the "Christ" out of "Christmas.  The fact is that if these dipshits knew Greek they would know that X is the Greek letter "Chi" and that abbreviations like XP (Chi-Rho) have been used Christ for the last 2000 years.

Furthermore, inclusive phrases have never been used to declare warfare against Christmas.  Logically, when you include multiple holidays, such as Christmas and Hannukah, that does not attack either one, but promotes both.  It makes no sense, therefore to say that wishing someone "Happy Holidays" is an attack on any one of those holidays, such as Christmas.  

The existence of Hannukah has never been a threat to Christmas, nor has Eid (al Fatir), nor Saturnalia, nor Yule, etc.  Any sane person can acknowledge that there are indeed multiple "holidays" during this "holiday season", including even Boxing Day and New Years.  These holidays were not recently made up either, and even if they were recently invented, as in the case of Kwanzaa, so what?  Other people can have as many holidays as they want.  That is no threat to your Christmas, which has existed side-by-side with other holidays since its invention.  

So despite a few Christian Grinches trying to keep the spirit of paranoid hostility alive this holiday season, it seems to have been a remarkable failure thus far.  Nobody wants to hear about your phony baloney made up "War on Christmas" this year or any year from here on out, so you're going to have to invent something else to cry wolf about.  I have no fear that extremist Christians will easily fabricate some new fake controversy to start screaming about in short order.  Hey, have you noticed all those weird colored eggs during Easter?  Maybe it's a "gay conspiracy" to turn children gay?  I guess I shouldn't suggest this, because it will probably be taken seriously Christopaths who have nothing better to do with their time.

So HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Biatch and if you don't like it you can kiss my ChristmASS!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Christopath Anders "Little Limbaugh" Brevik Ruled Insane

The Rush Limbaugh of Norway, mass-murdering Christopath Anders Brevik, has been declared mentally incompetent.  Here we thought he was just incredibly stupid to the point that he sounded crazy, since a judged had ruled earlier that the fact that Brevik was a moron did not make him automatically insane.   But apparently when stupidity gets to a certain level, as in Brevik's case, psychiatrists declare it to be pathological.  Too bad no psychiatrists have evaluated Rush Limbaugh.  He has the same delusions of grandeur, and his hate-filled ravings against "Marxists" make just as little sense as Brevik's did.  However, instead of killing people with his own hands, as Brevik did, Rush Limbaugh is too big a chicken$h1t tub of lard for that, so he only incites other people to carry out his murderous agenda.  If only Limbaugh were in a mental hospital too, perhaps he couldn't inspire people like Jared Loughner, Scott Roeder, and Anders Brevik to act on his behalf.

Horny Herman Cain Ready To Call It Quits

In light of Herman Cain's latest sex scandal, this time from Atlanta woman Ginger White, who alleges that she has carried on an affair with Cain for the last 13 years, Herman Cain has reported told his staff that he is "reassessing" his candidacy because there might be "too much of a cloud" over it, at this point.  You will recall that I predicted that the Cain campaign would be toppled by these sex scandals, though it may have taken a week or so longer than I originally predicted.  He has not yet resigned, but the fact that he is talking about it makes my prophetic powers greater than all the religious nuts in the last year or so who predicted that the world would end.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Horny Herman Cain Sez "private sexual life" Off Limits

Horny Herman Cain has apparently been caught in yet another marital infidelity.  This time his excuse is so over-the-top ludicrous that even he can't listen to his lawyer say it without a smirk.  

Horny Herman's latest defense for banging his mistress, Ginger White, over the last 13 years, while married to his oblivious ditz of a wife, is that this story constitutes "private, alleged consensual conduct between adults" and therefore it is "not a proper subject of inquiry by the media or the public".  Give me an effin break.  Is Cain really this rock STUPID or does he just think his constituents are?  The sexual conduct of candidates has ALWAYS (like since 1776) been of cardinal importance in political campaigns in the United States.  For Cain to believe that, all of a sudden, he should be entitled to not having his sexual indiscretions examined in public view shows how utterly bereft his is of qualification for any public office.  It shows how little grasp he has of American History.  He also displays no grasp of principles like "freedom of the press" or "freedom of speech" as enshrined in the First Amendment.  

Apparently the only thing he does like to grasp all the time is his insufficient manhood, which seems to be why women are coming out of the woodwork to decry what a bad lay he is.  Recall there have already been FIVE (5) other incidents where women have alleged sexual misconduct by Horny Herman, and this will probably not be the last either.  We have already learned of 6 women in 1 month.  Imagine what the next 3 to 6 months are likely to bring.  Imagine if the US had to endure him for four years as president, which admittedly is as close to impossible as you can get.  How many women would the Horndog Herman try to bury his bone in if people were dumb enough to send him to Washington?  Fortunately, even many Repug religious fanatics don't want to find out the answer to that question.  

Herman Cain Had 13 Year Affair With Atlanta Woman Ginger White

Herman Cain's political fortune is already down the drain, since he has been relegated to 3rd place in Republican primary polls.  Now, yet another woman, Ginger White, is claiming that Cain carried on an affair with her for 13 years. It becomes increasingly absurd and insane to believe that so many women are "lying" about Herman Cain's extra-marital sexcapades.  At first Cain claimed that he was a target because he was the "front-runner".  Now that he is a nobody again, it is doubtful that anyone would even want to target him.  Furthermore, the fact that Cain keeps warning ahead of time that other women may be out there with "false" stories indicates that he knows a little too much about the subject to be an entirely innocent and hapless "victim" here.  Sorry Herman, it just doesn't wash that all these women are targeting you and only you and have been doing so over long periods of time, since you settled sexual harrassment cases in the late 1990's, which is apparently when this affair began as well.  Somebody is certainly lying and it becomes his word against an increasingly long list of credible women. Come on, man!  We understand that you're horny, but did you really think that this would never come out if you tried to run for president?  And teabaggers still take this guy seriously?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Romney Wants Immigrants Gone This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving commemorates the (illegal) immigration of Pilgrims to the New World.  So, with no sense of irony, the Romney campaign was busy on Thanksgiving Eve, telling illegal immigrants that they need to Get the F*ck Out of the country, right after they finish mowing his lawn.  Yep, before Mitt was against immigrants, his zeig heil, pretzel munching a$$ was exploiting cheap Mexican labor to do his landscaping, despite being a multi-millionaire.  His own family comes from Germany, but they were rich enough to afford the paperwork to come over here and so he has no sympathy for people who weren't born with a silver spoon.  One will recall that the Mormons also were forced to immigrate into territories like Nevada and Utah which were not officially US states.  However, again, he has no sympathy for others who were born less lucky than himself.  

Similarly, in New Mexico, we have an Hispanic Republican governor named Susana Martinez, who ran on taking away drivers licenses from illegal immigrants, despite the fact that her grandparents were illegal immigrants.  Her excuse was "that was a different time".  Indeed it was.  It was a time when people didn't slam the door shut that they themselves came through.  Now we have people like Mitt and Susana making the argument that immigrants take our jobs.  But Arizona passed anti-immigrant laws over a year ago, and new studies show that it has had no effect on wages or employment in the state.  So thanks for nothing, anti-immigrant dip$hits.  Maybe Romney will pick Martinez to be his VP.  That would surely be fitting, and together they would have even less chance of winning than McCain and Palin.  

Perhaps the thing we have to be most thankful for this Thanksgiving is that all these Republican candidates are so weak, gaffe-prone, and unelectable.  When the moribund campaign of Newt Gingrich is outpacing the hugely expensive Romney campaign, and Herman Cain has fallen back to insignificance, it is gratifying to know that none of these jokers have a chance of actually being elected president and implementing their half-witted agendas.    

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Hermanator Hates on READING. Touts Illiteracy.

Reading is apparently NOT fundamental (or fundamental-IST)  enough for Herman (the Hermanator) Cain, who remarked yesterday, in New Hampshire, "We need a leader, not a reader".  He said this defending his ignorance of foreign policy, geography, and the names of world leaders.  Yeah, F*CK reading, with all those confusing squiggles and squoggles all over the place!  Who wants to read about the president of "u-beki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan" anyway?

People instantly noted the similarity between the Hermanator's line and the Simpson's episode where Schwarzenegger says, "I was elected to lead, not to read".  Herman, however, failed to deliver his line with the requisite thick Austrian accent, thus reducing the comedic effect considerably.  And here I thought Herman's main similarity with Arnold is that both of them got sued by Gloria Allred for sexual misconduct.

This would seem to confirm, yet again, Rachel Maddow's theory that Herman Cain's entire campaign has been an elaborate, inside joke set up to punk Republican voters.  Furthermore, IT WORKED, with Cain being the FRONT RUNNER in the Republican Primaries until he was felled by an apparently not so funny sex scandal, and relegated to a distant THIRD PLACE. However, for Republicans to still consider him a serious choice shows what low, no, and slow-information voters they actually are.  I still have Republicans clicking on my blog entries from September and October about Cain, as though these were "breaking news".   

Of course, at least they are reading something, unlike their new CHAMPION OF ILLITERACY the Hermanator.  I guess fundamentalists will have to start listening to the audio version of the Bible, since reading is now too uncool for school.  

Gadhafi's Oldest Son, Saif-al-Islam, Captured

Murderous thug and eldest son of Moammar Gadhafi, Saif-al-Islam has been captured with his convoy in the Libyan desert.  His name alone, which translates to "Sword of Islam", reflects the blood-thirsty religious extremism of his father and both he and his father constantly used religion as a tool to advance their violent, self-centered agendas.  Those who knew Saif compared him to the most ruthless Mafia godfathers, making him pretty much just like his father, only with fewer personal foibles and less hair.

One can take comfort in the fact that the rebels who captured him will almost certainly not refrain from hooking jumper cables to his genitals and cranking their car batteries until they run out of juice or his pathetic little appendage burns up and falls off.  After that he will surely be tried, as a formality, and executed.  As I have noted before, I have no problem with capital punishment for those who are very clearly mass murderers, and torturers themselves.  Simple minds have a hard time understanding this concept, but there is nothing "hypocritical" about saying that we don't allow people to wantonly kill others, but that, if a person breaks this rule we will put them to death, in self-defense.  A person who breaks the rules forfeits his right to claim protection from those rules. Without a principle of self-defense we would be at the mercy of psychopaths who know no limits of self-restraint.

This is yet another demonstration of the sham of so-called "absolute morality".  Absolute morality says that the context doesn't matter in deciding what is right and wrong.  Necessarily then, those who claim to believe in absolute morality have committed themselves to saying that you cannot kill for any reason.  When they then proceed to carve out all kinds of special exceptions, saying it's okay to kill "bad" people and okay to kill to defend themselves, they are actually smuggling "situational ethics" into their absolute morality without realizing it.  It is better and more honest to simply acknowledge that, of course, the situation matters.  It is actually grossly immoral to say that the situation has no bearing upon our moral decisions, because it forces our decisions to be made from a position of ignorance of the facts and motivations which give meaning to the action.  It works no better to take morality "out of context" than it does to take the Bible or any other writing out of the context that defines it.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Crazy Whitehouse Shooter Oscar Ortega Thinks He's Jesus Christ

Raving nutcase Oscar Ortega, who was arrested after firing an automatic weapon at the Whitehouse, apparently thinks that he is "the modern-day Jesus Christ" who was, "sent here from God to lead the world to Zion".  His primary "ARGUMENT" that he is Jesus Christ is that, "I look like Jesus".  The rest of the non-insane world might wonder, "How the F*CK does he know what Jesus looks like?"  Standard drawings of Jesus are only a guess, and some of the earliest depictions don't look particularly like him.  See the Pantocrator version of Jesus below:

Compare this to Mr. Ortega, who basically just looks like a man with slightly longish hair and a scruffy beard:

He seems to assume that Jesus has brown hair, not black, though this is far from established.  I suggest that he has perhaps watched "the Passion of the Christ" a couple thousand times too many.

In any event, I wonder how religious fanatics will try to spin this latest case of religion-inspired terrorism?  How long will it take for his fellow religious fanatics to claim that he is not a "TRUE CHRISTIAN", or that he is secretly an "atheist".

At the very least they will claim that he is a "false prophet", and on that score I can heartily agree.  After all, if Oscar were really sent by God then surely God would have informed him that Obama was in Hawaii, not the Whitehouse, at the time, and that, in any event, his bullets had absolutely no possibility of penetrating into the Oval Office.  

Besides, it's not particularly clear how this lunatic will achieve "world peace" through shooting at the Whitehouse, or how he plans to "lead the world to Zion" when locked up in jail or a mental ward where he belongs.  

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Authoritarians Whack OWS Hornet's Nest And Create Mass Protests

The "public safety" canard was used to beat up some OWS protesters and tear down their tents in a few city parks this week. Just as I predicted, this was about as smart as whacking a hornet's nest. Now they have provoked mass action, all across the country today.  

 OWS protesters were basically harmless, freezing in their little tents, with their messages mocked or totally blacked out by the corporate media.  However, once you evict them from the parks they have to go somewhere, and now they're louder and madder than before.  Now, right around Thanksgiving, you have the potential for them to disrupt things, and get fresh attention, as well as fresh sympathy.  

Of course, what authoritarians seem to be hoping for is that they will eventually provoke enough confrontations so that they can label these protesters as "violent", despite the fact that they are the ones using all the violence.  Then the police will claim that they are the victims who keep getting stung, just because they keep whacking the hornet's nest.  

The key thing for Oscar Occupado to remember is that rich people value property more than people.  Corporations are not people and if property should get accidentally damaged, that is not the same as violence against people.  Enough said Occupados.  Get out there and make a difference.  

Monday, November 14, 2011

Cain's Wife Says Hubby Has Split Personality

Gloria Cain thought she was defending her husband, but admitted about Herman 999 Cain that,  "I'm thinking he would have to have a split personality to do the things that were said."  Well, given that multiple witnesses, including most recently Louisiana Pediatrician Victor Zuckerman, have corroborated the testimony of the victims, it sounds like Gloria Cain is admitting that her husband has multiple-personality disorder.  Do you know who else has multiple-personality disorder?  The ANTICHRIST!  It sounds like Horny Herman is possessed by Satan!  It sounds like he does evil things, like Damien from The Omen, all the while presenting the outward appearance of innocence to his family.  The question Republicans need to ask themselves is, do they really want a possessed demoniac like Herman Cain with his finger on the button?  I'm thinking that the answer, even for them, has shifted from "Well, maybe for VP," to a definite "OK, probably not, gosh darnit!", given that Cain has fallen to 3rd place, 8 points behind NEWT (Muppet hair) GINGRICH.  Remember, just because Cain is a black man does not guarantee that he can beat Obama.  As it stands right now, it's not clear that Cain could win a race for dog catcher, except maybe if he was catching that black dog from The Omen.

Public Safety Canard Used To Beat Down OWS Protesters

The recent, coordinated, authoritarian crackdowns against Occupy Wall Street protesters are now being justified on the grounds of "public safety", yeah, that's the ticket.  They've been trotting this excuse out quite a bit and testing it out to see if people will buy this baloney.  Considering that the 1% exploiters could not care less if the Occupy Wall Street protesters were put up against a wall and shot, I doubt that they have any particular concern for the safety and health conditions in the parks.

It's far more likely that these raids are being done for the "safety" of the 1% exploiters, who don't want to see this movement grow any bigger as election season draws near. Plus, seeing protesters camped out in the park over Thanksgiving might actually humanize them and make people feel sorry for them.  People might conclude that these protesters are actually committed to their causes, unlike astroturf Tea Baggers who are bussed in by the Koch brothers for a few hours and then dropped back off at their trailer parks like yesterday's garbage.

However, it might be SAFER to KEEP protesters where they are, instead of forcing them to disperse. Firstly there is a risk that the police will use excessive force, embarrassing the police and causing sympathy for the protesters, as it already has when they used excessive force against Iraq War Veteran Scott Olsen, who has just now gotten out of the hospital.

Secondly, remember the story that I told about a fictional guy named Oscar Occupado.  What would Oscar Occupado do, I wonder?  Once Oscar is beaten up by police and thrown out of the park, he is likely to be roaming the city, perhaps looking for a little payback. As I previously noted, he might start to play things a little smarter wearing a hat and sunglasses and a hoodie.  He might decide to help fix some of the locks on the doors of banks, but accidentally squirt superglue in them, by mistake, instead of oil.  He might decide to buy a pay-as-you-go phone and call in hundreds of overzealous "warnings" all over town.  He might accidentally drop pockets full of roofing nails on busy city streets and highways, because he can't afford to fix the holes in his pockets.  Forced out of the park, he might accidentally start fires in dumpsters or near trees that are close to power lines, trying to stay warm or cook dinner.  More sophisticated people might accidentally start broadcasting on the wrong radio frequencies with portable transmitters, only trying to tell people about their plight.  This kind of equipment might even inadvertently end up jamming cellphone signals.  Or Oscar could run out of gas and get his old junk car accidentally stuck on railroad tracks, slowing down the engines of commerce.

I guess the point is that all this could probably be avoided if you let these people stay where they are at, in an essentially harmless state.  If you rile them up then it is more likely to do harm than good.

Cain Train WRECKED. Gingrich Rockets Past Horny Herman

A new CNN poll is confirming that Herman Cain has dropped to a dismal, distant THIRD PLACE finish, 8% points behind the otherwise moribund campaign of NEWT (Muppet head) GINGRICH.  Gingrich polled 22% support among Republicans, compared to 24% for Romney and ONLY 14% SUPPORTED CAIN.  Apparently, even low and no-information Republicans are getting the clue that there is no way that Cain can win, and they also want to have a credible alternative to Romney, who will be like poison to fundamentalist Christian voters.  Hilariously, Gingrich has only become a serious consideration after candidates like Cain and Perry TOOK THEMSELVES OUT of the race with their gaffes and personal problems.  Apparently, even the most gullible Republicans do not buy Cain's ridiculous excuses for his abundantly reported sexual misconduct

Norway Mass Murderer Anders Breivik NOT Insane, Judge Says

At a hearing in Norway ultra-Christian, right-wing mass-murderer Anders Breivik was found by the judge to be  mentally competent to stand trial.  The fact that his actions, in themselves, appear to be batsh*t crazy is just a consequence of being brainwashed into a crazy, right-wing ideology, apparently.  Remember that this website originally reported on Mr. Breivik and pointed out that he is simply taking seriously the crazy, far-right propaganda that other self-professed ultra-conservatives only talk about.  In this sense, we noted that he is simply a younger, less obese, less chicken$h1t version of Rush Limbaugh who actually has the courage to act on his ludicrous beliefs.  That is not to say that we applaud him for that.  The world would certainly be better off if he were not in it and his victims were free to live their lives instead.  Unfortunately Norway does not have a death penalty, though they can hold a prisoner indefinitely who is deemed to be a danger to society.  I have no problem executing a clearly guilty mass-murderer who is a danger to society.  However, I suspect that Breivik will not survive long in prison anyway, even in Norway.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Oscar Occupado Fights Back Against OWS Crackdown

A huge crackdown against OWS occurred this weekend in numerous western cities, such as Portland, Oregon, against protesters camped out in parks and public places like Chapman Square.  I'm sure this authoritarian class warfare of the rich, attempting to crush the protests with violence, is being cheered by the 1%ers everywhere who would have liked to have seen the War on the Poor waged more violently to begin, like the Syrian government does, perhaps.  Maybe they would like to see the National Guard shooting protesters like they did during the Pullman Strike and other organized opposition to the prerogatives of the ultra-wealthy that occurred around the turn of the century.

If you ask a right-wing authoritarian who said, "We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak", they would probably tell you that it was some Marxist, Maoist, Commie, Pinko, Socialist, Homosexual.  Well, it's possible that this last charge may have been true.  This is actually a Bible verse spoken by Saint Paul in Romans 15, however, I would not expect self-professed ultra-rightwing fanatics to actually know anything about Christianity, despite their loud and empty claims that they are Christians.

Let me tell you a little fictional story about what could happen if they keep pushing these protesters.  Of course I am not advocating any of this, but only imagining their frustrations.

Once there was a man named Oscar Occupado, who was beat up by cops during the OWS crackdown.   He quickly decided that he needed to protest smarter.  In his journal he wrote about some of his new activities.  He went by the doors of banks at night and squirted superglue in their locks.  He then also squirted liquid nails and silicone caulk in the card slots of the ATMs.  Later he even experimented with battery-powered cold soldering tools to put solder in the locks, especially at places like Bank of America where they foreclose houses only to turn around and bulldoze them.  He even experimented with quick-drying cement.  He made sure to get the front, back and side doors, so that the businesses were closed down all day long.  He scratched "99" into the windows with a razor blade instead of throwing a brick through them, because insurance would pay for a broken window, but not a scratched one.  He even used window etching kits.  What a busy guy Oscar sounds like.

He wrote about going to gas stations at night and cutting long slashes in the hoses of gas pumps.  He gummed up the credit card readers on these pumps too.  He drove by new car lots on his motorcycle with a backpack mounted paint sprayer and sprayed paint all over the new vehicles parked out front.  And there are a million Oscar Occupados who might read his journal and step forward.  They might feel desperate enough to drop handfuls of roofing nails from freeway bridges to cause rush hour and early morning traffic jams.  They might throw a pair of shoes up over electric wires.  Only, instead of shoe strings, these ones would be laced with wires also, and they would be lit on fire, burning the the insulation off the electrical lines and shorting them out.  Some of them would even go to the power substations and toss a couple molatov cocktails.  People would notice that.

That's the kind of thing the protesters could be doing if they weren't just camped in parks singing platitudes and smoking dope.  So, I think that the rich should be counting their blessings that the OWS protesters are not being more aggressive like the fictional scenario proposed above.  Just to note, one more time, I am describing a fictional situation for what a guy like Oscar might do if authoritarians try to get heavy-handed with him.  I would imagine that some of these authoritarians would do well to think twice and three times before getting Oscar mad, because who knows what kinds of havoc he could wreak if he got really angry.

Keep Government Out of Mind Reading... and Churches Too!!

CNN has a front page article by Paul Wolpe, an ethicist at Emory State University, who argues that new brain scanning software could one day be reliable enough for courts to order it used to read the thoughts of a criminal suspect, just as they currently order things like DNA testing.  He feels that this would be a bad thing, because it would eliminate the last bastion of privacy that people have left. He even suggests that this usurps God, who presumably is the only one who can read our thoughts.

This is ironic on several levels.  After railing about how nobody should be able to read our thoughts, he admits that most formulations of religion propose a God who can read our thoughts.  He is very worried that the government may some day get some pale imitation of this ability, but he forgets about God's self-appointed representatives on Earth.  I am speaking of those individuals and organizations that claim to speak for God and claim to worship God, but actually secretly believe themselves to be God -- religious fanatics and their extremist churches.  I am quite sure that they would want this technology even more than government.  If we ban government from ever using such devices, churches will certainly not want this restriction placed on them.  This would be the perfect tool to ferret out heresy, and to verify that the brainwashing they try to impose on their cult-like followers has actually taken hold.  Make no mistake.  This technology, if it is developed, will be used.  Churches would pay fortunes to have these things, and they have huge, ill-gotten fortunes to spend on it.

Of course, as with all Luddite arguments, which is the species of argument Wolpe is making, however well-intentioned he believes his exception to be, no such ban would work whatsoever.  We already have the CIA waterboarding people, and presidential candidates like Cain and Bachmann say that this is a wonderful thing.  The CIA will certainly use mind reading technologies, if they become available, no matter what the law says. So will lots of other people.  One imagines that criminal organizations, such as the mafia, or drug cartels will also use it extensively.  We might officially ban it from use by the "big, bad guv'ment", but there are plenty of other aspiring "bigger brothers" out there besides the government who would love to do what we are prohibiting the government from doing.  Even right now, many private firms use polygraphs and other computerized voice-stress test equipment on employees, despite the fact that these devices have no scientific validity and can be easily fooled.  The idea that they would stop out of pure concern for "ethics" is beyond absurd....which is BTW the problem with most Ivory Tower ethicists today.  They say things that are beyond absurd and expect the rest of us to take them seriously.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Racist Retard Bob Jones III Asks "Where is evidence that Obama is a Christian"

Dumber than dogcr@p, racist, religious fanatic Bob Jones III (BJ3) has come out from under his rock yet again with the laughably stupid rhetoric of questioning, "Where is the evidence that [Obama] is a Christian?".  Interestingly, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh have both made similar charges one or more years ago and these charges have been thoroughly refuted.  So apparently BJ3 can't be bothered to do any research there either.  The answer is that the evidence is plentiful, in Obama's case.  Here is the Lincoln Bible used by Obama in his Presidential Inauguration.  
Then there was his attendance at Trinity United Church of Christ on 95th street in Chicago, which was used against him during the last campaign, because of a certain Reverend at that church named Jeremiah Wright.  After his falling out with Wright, which was due to politics, not religion, he has been documented attending churches throughout Washington, DC, including Allen Chapel, and St. John's.  He has held prayer vigils, prayer breakfasts and given numerous speeches where he has affirmed tenets of Christianity. The de rigeur right-wing claims that Obama is a Muslim have been thoroughly debunked by, as well as articles in, and others.  Even the claim that Obama was "once a muslim"  or that he "professed to be a muslim" have been thoroughly debunked.  The claim that Obama was converted to Islam by his father is belied by the fact that his father left when Obama was 2 years old, and his father was a "confirmed atheist", not a Muslim, by the time his parents met.  

In speeches, like this one, at the 58th annual National Prayer Breakfast in February of 2011 Obama described his beliefs in detail, talking about daily praying for humility, guidance, and wisdom with his wife who is also unquestionably Christian.  So the answer is that the evidence is easily available to anyone who cares to look, but many people like BJ3 have dogmatic opinions that no amount of evidence will sway. 

Horny Herman Sandusky Cain

If Horny Herman 999 Cain were Jerry Sandusky, his defense would go like this.  Firstly, he would say, don't worry about allegations of child molestation, because these were "anonymous accusers".  After all, the names of minors are often not reported, but, for Herman Cain, the fact that a name is not reported, even when he signed the settlement papers himself and knows exactly who the accusers are, is tantamount to saying that it didn't happen.  Secondly, the fact that many of the the alleged abuses by Jerry Sandusky happened years ago and had been investigated but not prosecuted, in mind of Herman Cain means that the charges were "found to be baseless".  Thus, if Jerry Sandusky were given the free ride that Herman Cain is being given by the far right-wing, corporatized media, they would be demanding that Sandusky be given his job back.

Furthermore, if Jerry Sandusky were Herman Cain, he would be bragging about how all this scandal and media attention had helped him raise more money for his charity, just as Cain is bragging that his own sexual misconduct scandal has supposedly helped the Hermanator raise more campaign contributions.  Cain has even claimed that other campaigns should hire women to claim they were sexually abused so that they can increase their own fundraising.  Gee, do you think that Sandusky was really just trying to increase revenues for his Second Mile charity?  And I wonder why no other GOP candidates have women coming out of the woodwork to accuse them of sexual harassment, and they only targeted Herman Cain, who signed sexual harassment settlements for $80,000 and dated them 9/99.  In fact, given how Republicans have rewarded Cain after hearing about the alleged sexual abuse, this really encourages Cain to go out and do it some more.  Maybe he can bang a few staffers on his Campaign, if he hasn't been doing that already, to celebrate the way that Republicans reward bad behavior from their own party.

BTW, I think it's ironic, now that Cain has PLUMMETED to THIRD PLACE in polls, that Newt Gingrich has leapt ahead of him.  Newt Gingrich is a notorious, serial adulterer, who presented his first wife with divorce papers when she was dying of cancer in the hospital, having already shacked up with another woman.  I guess Republicans think that Newt is even classier than Horny Herman Cain.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Horny Herman Falls To 3rd Place In Latest Poll

Horny Herman can continue to lie and deny about his sexual shenanigans.  However, it's not working too well.  It has undeniably wrecked his campaign, with the former front runner Cain now PLUMMETING to 3rd place, being bumped out of 2nd place by the laughably insignificant campaign of NEWT GINGRICH!?  This is not good news for the Herminator, who had perhaps hoped that his low-information, Tea Party backers would simply forget about the 5 women who are now coming forward and accusing him of sexually inappropriate behavior.  Oh well, it was DUMB LUCK, quite literally, that Cain was even a contender and dumb luck can't last forever, which explains why Horny Herman Cain's CEO career eventually cratered as well.  He is just about at minute 14.5 of his 15 minutes of fame.  You will note that this puts him on track to drop out in about another week or two, just as I predicted.  

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Lying Cain Campaign Says Accuser's Son Works for Politico, But He's Not Related

The latest desperate claim by the Cain campaign is that we shouldn't believe Karen Kraushaar, one of the women alleging that Cain sexually harassed her, because her son works for, the news organization that broke the story about Horny Herman's serial sex offenses.  As usual, it turns out that this is untrue and Cain campaign manager Mark Block is either a BLOCKhead or a LIAR for making this claim on Fox News.  There is a man named Josh Kraushaar who used to work for in 2010, but he reports that he is NOT RELATED AT ALL to Karen Kraushaar, much less her son.   So Horn Dog Herman will have to manufacture another lame excuse.  My money is on them saying that she was probably JUST ASKING FOR IT by wearing makeup and a dress.  That's the kind of excuse that most Republicans go for these days, so I'm not sure why they didn't just say that in the first place.

5th Woman Accuses Horny Herman of Sexually Inappropriate Behavior

The reports just keep pouring in about Horny Herman Cain, and his ham-fisted tactics for hitting on women.  Now a 5th woman has come forward, named Donna Donella, who claims that Cain tried to get her to set up a dinner date between him and a pretty woman in the audience, when he was speaking at a USAID event in Egypt almost 10 years ago.  Instead, Donella and her colleague suggested that they all go to dinner as a group, heading off Cain's sexual advance.  However, it still proved to be a big mistake because, apparently Cain ordered two $400 bottles of wine and ended up sticking the women with the bill.  So, in a sense Horny Herman still managed to screw all these women, but only in a figurative sense, as opposed to the more literal way he might have been hoping.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Mississippi MissConception Effort Fails

If you're part of the failed minority of voters in Mississippi who  are under the misconception that "life BEGINS at conception" is anything other than an empty, mindless slogan then let me explain why your latest political stunt failed.  I am referring to constitutional amendment 26 which asked voters to declare that a fertilized egg should be treated just the same as a fully-grown human.  Let's follow that so-called "logic".  I would like to suggest a similar proposal, which is that "a $1 billion dollar fortune BEGINS with a penny".  Therefore every penny should, via this "logic", be declared to have a value of 1 billion dollars.  Every building and skyscraper begins with a single brick or piece of lumber.  Therefore we should treat each brick and piece of lumber as being the same as a skyscraper.  In fact, every brick is made out of atoms, and each brick had to BEGIN with a first atom.  So every atom should be treated the same as we would treat a skyscraper, to use Mississippi Misconceptions about the so-called "moment of conception".

I've already addressed many of the other "moments of misconception" surrounding the fictional "moment of conception" in this link, so feel free to shut your pie hole and read these before scribbling inane comments, if that is your plan.  The most common "objection", BTW, consists of pointing out that my analogy is not perfect, in some respect.  However, as I've had to explain to the under-educated repeatedly, analogies are not supposed to be perfect, because, if an analogy WERE PERFECT it would be identical to the original thing, which would not actually produce any new information.  So you'll have to try a little harder than that.

Another Cain Sex Abuse Victim, Karen Kraushaar, Goes Public

Yet another of Horny Herman's sexual harassment victims, Karen Kraushaar, has gone public.  The Cain Campaign has already tried to personally smear the first woman, Sharon Bialek, who went public with testimony that Horny Herman virtually tried to rape her in exchange for a job.  They pointed to the fact that Bialek has declared bankruptcy and has worked multiple places in the past 17 years, though this is probably not that different from the hardships that most Americans have endured, while the Herman Cains of the world live high on the hog and try to screw the rest of us, literally.  Unfortunately for Cain this drive by smear was nowhere near what was necessary to make us doubt Bialek's story.  If anything it confirms that Cain knew she was vulnerable and could be easily victimized.

However, unlike Bialek, Kraushaar is a well-respected spokesperson for the US Treasury Department.  Cain is already claimed that Kraushaar's charge was "found to be baseless", but this is belied by the fact that Herman Cain signed a settlement awarding this woman tens of thousands of dollars.  One does not settle baseless cases for tens of thousands of dollars, especially when one has armies of corporate lawyers on retainer.  One only settles such cases if one is afraid that one stands to lose even greater amounts of money, due to the allegations being true.

Betting on Day Cain Campaign Will End

The Horny Herman Cain Train has just come off the rails, gone off the bridge, and is plummeting into the canyon below.  The question is, when exactly will it hit the bottom.  I'm guessing that Cain may string people along and continue milking fundraisers for, at most another week or two, before he officially throws in the towel, like he tried to do earlier this year to promote his book.  If Cain doesn't come out today with some real dirt on Sharon Bialek, and just sticks to his standard, head-in-the-sand denialism then his support will continue to fade and when woman number 5 and 6, ... come forward, people will say, "enough is enough".  I think many people already have said that.  The only thing saving him is that he is a Republican, and, as such he has extremely low information voters, like those in the tea party, who are fanatics and are unwilling to admit that they made a mistake in backing him.  They also have internalized hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance as a way of life, and therefore, it doesn't bother them that they called for the resignation of Anthony Weiner for only sending pictures, while they continue to support Cain, even when it's revealed that he is trying to have forceable sex with women in exchange for jobs.  Sorry, but you can stick a pitchfork in Mr. 999, because he's over and done.  He is going down in flames, back to Hell where his father the Devil can plot his return in another thousand years.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Horny Herman Sez: If you don't have a job, blame yourself 4 Not Putting Out

It now makes perfect why Horn dog Herman says, "If you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself"  ...   for failing to exchange sexual favors, quid pro quo, with your potential employer in order to secure a "position" in their "firm".  That's how Horny Herman explained things to Sharon Bialek, the fourth woman to accuse Cain of sexual molestation, when he groped her and said, "You want a job, right?"

Apparently, Horny Herman Cain thinks that a blowjob is part of the "job description" of the women who work "under him".  Yes, indeed, job seekers you just need to "SUCK IT UP", quite literally, and Herman will make sure that he finds a JOB for you to do as his "personal ASSistant".  Who knows how many females Herman Cain tried to share this "business philosophy" with over the years.  Right now, only four women have come forward to talk about the free lessons that Herman tried to "impress upon them".

In any event, I think that this shows that, if you're poor, it's probably because you don't have a good "head" on your shoulders.  You need to develop some of your "professional assets" or it could  significantly "impact your bottom line".  But don't worry, with a little "training" from the Cain train, he will show you how to "plunge right in" to the "exciting" world of business.

Horny Herman Has A Stimulus Plan In His Pocket And He Wants to Show Your Daughter

Hey Horny Herman, is that a Stimulus Plan in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?  Voters in Iowa should think about where Horn Dog Herman's hands may have been before they shake his hand any more in the days leading up to the primary.  Given the prevalence of STDs and HPV in particular, maybe Republicans should RETHINK their OPPOSITION to the HPV VACCINE, particularly as presented by "Dumb-as-hell Michele" (Bachmann) and "man-on-dog" Rick San(it)toru(i)m.

However, it is easy to see why Herman Cain believes "If you don't have a job, blame yourself"...FOR NOT diligenty BENDING OVER you desk and PUTTING OUT the effort to CLIMB THE CORPORATE LADDER.  When your LORD and MASTER Herman 999 Cain speaks then you need to DROP EVERYTHING, including your drawers.  Apparently, Herman feels that a little SUCKING UP never hurt anybody.  It makes me wonder what Herman Cain had to get into an upper management position, aside from sucking Satan's greasy, fat c0#* and selling his soul to the devil.  

Horn Dog Herman Wants Women To Try His STIMULUS PACKAGE

With four women now alleging that Horn Dog Herman has groped them or sexually harassed them while working for the National Restaurant Association and WARNINGS that MORE ACCUSERS ARE LIKELY TO COME FORWARD, it is becoming clear that the ONLY STIMULUS HERMAN CAIN SUPPORTS involves GROPING THE GENITALS OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

No wonder Cain thought Obama was doing the stimulus wrong.  I'm sure he was saying to himself, "You call THAT a STIMULUS?!  Watch THIS!  You gotta get you hand ALL UP IN THERE."  However, apparently Republican voters just LOVE how Horn Dog Herman Cain stimulates them over and over in 999 different ways.  This seems to confirm what people have long suspected about many Republicans being closet homosexuals.  It also seems to be especially true of his large TEABAGGER based, who pretended to be oblivious to the fact that the name of their movement was slang for something that Herman Cain wanted his secretaries to do to him.  But why does he need his secretaries to do it when there are so many willing teabaggers in the TEABAG movement who are down on their knees and ready to service him?

The fact that they are down on their knees worship this false idol named Herman 999 Cain is more proof that he is the Antichrist.  Cain tries to pass himself off as holy, but is actually only worried about how many holes he squeeze his little Cain into.  No wonder Cain supports a woman's right to choose, since he needs them to be able to abort all the bastard children that he seeks to sire with the Whores of Babylon.  Don't be fooled by Horny Herman's creepy, demonic smirk, or the hair that he is now growing to hide his DEVIL HORNS.  He grows more powerful by the day, and only now, while he is still relatively weak, is there any possibility to defeat him.  If he seizes control of the might of the US government and their military arsenal, then it will truly be too late.  Remember, vote anyone but Cain.

4th Woman Accuses Horny Herman Cain of Attempted Rape In Exchange For Job

Horny Herman 999 Cain's sham campaign is about to be over, as is his sham marriage.  Sharon Bialek, a Republican who worked for the National Restaurant Association from 1996-1997 has come forward and alleges that Herman Cain tried to have forceable sex with her and when she protested, Mr. 999 asked her, "You want a job, right?"  This is the FOURTH woman to have come forward alleging that Horn Dog Herman Cain has engaged in grossly inappropriate sexual behavior, while leading the National Restaurant Association.  Two other women were awarded significant cash settlements when they alleged sexual harrassment by Herman Cain, and Cain signed those settlements, dating one of them 9/99.  Perhaps that is what Herman Cain's 999 plan really is.  To screw the entire American people the same way that Horn Dog Herman tried to screw around with his female subordinates.  However these women were barred by confidentiality agreements from discussing the details of the sexual harassment settlement they received.

Unfortunately for Herman Cain, or perhaps I should say, FORTUNATELY for the female victims, apparently Horn Dog Herman was completely incompetent about his sexual extortion racket, as he was incompetent in the rest of his professional life, and now all his CHICKens are coming home to roost.  Horny Herman's campaign had warned that MORE ALLEGATIONS WERE LIKELY, and indeed, there are already rumors of a fifth and/or sixth woman who is getting ready to come forward.

Bialek has retained high-profile celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred, meaning that the Cain Train is about ready to derail.  Cain's campaign staff have already taken to twitter to mock Allred, asking "What took you so long?" Unfortunately for Cain, this false bravado can probably be answered.  Allred, the same lawyer who exposed Arnold Schwarzenegger's affair with his maid, probably was making sure that she collected incriminating evidence, since it is unlikely that she would have taken the case unless her client could produce some pretty strong supporting evidence.

The Cain campaign has ludicrously tried to compare their candidate to Clarence Thomas and the Anita Hill testimony of 1991, despite the fact that all current evidence suggests that ANITA HILL TOLD THE TRUTH, and Horn Dog Clarence was confirmed anyway.  I suggest that a better comparison for Horn Dog Herman would be Horn Dog Gary Hart, whose presidential campaign was ended by his philandering.

Friday, November 4, 2011

IRONIC and IDIOTIC Comparison of Herman 999 Cain to Clarence Thomas

It is SOOO completely IDIOTIC, not to mention IRONIC  to compare Herman Cain to Clarence Thomas, as far right-wingers are trying to do.  Horn dog Herman Cain now has three different women claiming that he sexually harassed them, and two of them received fairly sizeable cash settlements for $35,000 and $45,000 respectively.  Horny Herman Cain signed the legal documents himself that awarded these two women the money.  It is not a smear to bring up cases that are a matter of public record.

In Anita Hill's case, she never filed charges against Thomas, nor was she awarded money.  There were no public records that Thomas had signed.  Furthermore, Thomas was CONFIRMED ANYWAY after a 3-day hearing.  So much for Thomas's fantasy that he was the victim of a "high-tech lynching", by a BLACK WOMAN, no less.  BTW, I'm not sure what was "high-tech", in 1991, about a woman testifying before a television camera.  Nor is it clear how the testimony of one woman constituted some "vast left-wing conspiracy" against Thomas.

Also, so much for Clarence Thomas's ludicrous assertion that he was being persecuted like all "uppity blacks who in any way deign to think for themselves".   No, obviously to all but him, Anita Hill was black herself, and her charges had nothing to do with Thomas's blackness, just as the sexual harassment settlements against Cain have nothing to do with his skin color, but rather his penchant for female skin of any color. BTW, if people had it out for "uppity blacks" then the man that Thomas replaced, Thurgood Marshall, certainly would not have made it to the Supreme Court.  Thomas just tried to play the race card, as Cain is doing now, because it's the only card either of them have got. Right-wingers often scream about how "liberals are always playing the race card", but apparently they are blind to it when fellow right-wingers do it right before their eyes.

Furthermore,  EVERYTHING that Anita Hill claimed about Thomas has survived investigation and critical scrutiny.  Not only has nobody been able to refute any of her claims, but new evidence has surfaced that Clarence Thomas was indeed "obsessed with porn" and was constantly ogling women as potential sex partners.  In other words, ANITA HILL WAS TELLING THE TRUTH and they confirmed Thomas anyway.  And he has gone on to be one of the worst, most corrupt, most stupidly uninformed, and incompetent Supreme Court Justices in American history.  Thomas, in fact, prides himself on almost never speaking a single word during a case, and usually just concurs with whatever opinion his right-wing colleagues advance.  He is nothing but a rubber stamp for the far-right-wing.  And he's almost certainly a complete pervo and would probably be a registered sex offender if he were not a Supreme Court Justfeice.

So it's not a good idea for Cain to be comparing himself to Thomas in any respect.  In fact it is richly ironic. The charges against Cain are almost certainly true as well, or Cain would not have signed those settlements with his own hand.  If the cases were "without merit" then he surely would have fought it in court and proven his innocence, instead of settling, especially since it would have been cheaper to go to court, with his army of corporate lawyers, if the charges were really as frivilous as he now claims.  The fact is that he and his lawyers knew that they would probably lose more than $45,000 and $35,000 respectively, if they went to court.  $80,000 was a lot of money to pay, especially in 1999 if the charges against him were entirely baseless.  So, in all likelihood, the charges against Cain are 100% TRUE, just like the charges against THOMAS ARE 100% TRUE.  That's the ONLY REAL comparison in the two cases, that both of these guys are total pervos who are constantly trying to get their female subordinates to sleep with them.   The only other comparison is that Cain is also black and seems to be growing a laurel wreath of hair again in an attempt to make himself look more like Clarence Thomas.

Oh, and of course, the right-wing media is claiming that this is a hit job by the "left-wing media", but Cain himself said it was PERRY WHO LEAKED THIS.  I don't know how RICK PERRY QUALIFIES AS THE LEFT-WING MEDIA.  So the entire defense of Cain so far is 100% moronic and full of laughable ironies, inconsistencies, and failures of elementary logic.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Horny Herman paid $45k to one woman and $35k to another in sex harrassment case

It is now being reported that Horny Herman paid $45,000 to settle a sexual harrassment case with one woman in the late 1990's and paid a second woman around $35,000.  He claims that both of these are "baseless", but apparently his lawyer didn't think it was baseless, or they wouldn't have spent $80,000 on these two cases.  Only a moron would spend $80,000 on "baseless" cases.  It would not have cost $80,000 to argue these cases if they were truly baseless.  The National Restaurant Association had an army of lawyers who would have gone to court and argued for summary dismissal, and it wouldn't have cost them anything more than they were likely paying already for legal representation.  Therefore it is absolutely impossible that Horn Dog Herman is telling the truth when he claims that these cases had no merit.  The proof that these cases had merit was that they spent this amount on them, which is even more sizeable in 1998 dollars.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Horny Herman Gone Wild. More "Awkward", "Inappropriate" Conduct

Horny Herman just can't control himself these days.  Here's Horn Dawg Herman groping a feel from Michele Bachmann.  Doesn't he look like some kind of trench coat pervo?  Hey Herman, you better be careful.  I hear she doesn't believe in birth control.  

But that's just GETTING WARMED UP.  There's more.... Now conservative Iowa radio talk show host Steve Deace is reporting that Horny Herman has, "said things to both of my female staffers that at best are professionally awkward if not inappropriate over the last several months."  I wonder how much he is going to have to pay those women to gag them and tie them up, so to speak, with "non-disclosure" agreements.  Note to Herman:  Non-disclosure is not about whether she will take her clothes off.  Glad we could clear that up for you.

One of Cain's Women Paid $35,000 or 1 year's pay to walk away

So let me get this straight. Horny Herman says there was no sexual misconduct and the charges against him are "without merit", yet, one of his victims was paid $35,000, equivalent to her annual salary in 1998, to walk away and keep quiet about the incident.  How many cases that are completely "without merit" get settled for $35,000 in 1998 dollars?  Most companies with an army of lawyers on retainer would not pay a dime on a claim like this unless they thought there was a pretty good chance that they could lose more than $35,000 in court.  That means that there had to be some fairly good evidence, or no lawyer would advise his client to just waste money like this.  The rule of thumb is that, if a case can be settled for between $5000-$10,000 that it is cheaper to settle than to go to court.  In 1998 that figure would have been closer to the $5000 range.  If they paid much larger than this amount then clearly they were clearly worried about something.  And this is just what they paid to ONE woman who "worked under" Cain, so to speak.  (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).   Cain's campaign manager admitted that more women are probably going to start coming out of the woodwork to talk about the clumsy, ham-fisted moves that Horn dog Herman tried to put on them.

Horn Dog Herman's Campaign Manager Says More Sex Stories Likely

Horny Herman Cain's own campaign manager was quoted as saying that, "we could see other baseless allegations made against him as this appalling smear campaign continues".  That is code for saying that Horn dog Herman knows that there are plenty of other women out there who he messed around with, or tried to mess around with, and he knows damn good and well that there is about to be a full-scale "bimbo eruption" as Mount St. Herman melts down in the next few days.  Actually, Herman is literally the furthest thing from a saint, being the Antichrist and all, but it sounds like hell harlots have been let loose, and we all know that Hell hath no fury like a woman unsatisfied by Herman's pudgy and unimpressive manhood.  Strap yourselves in folks, 'cause you're in for a bumpy ride in the next few days on this latest episode of Herman's Girls' Gone Wild.

3rd Woman Accuses Horny Herman 999 Cain of Sexual Misconduct

Horn Dog Herman Cain is now starting to have a Tiger Woods moment, and no, it's not because he's good at golf.  A third woman has come forward and said that Horny Herman tried to put the moves on her, inviting her to his corporate apartment "love nest", presumably to tell her how she could climb his corporate ladder.

Unlike Tiger Woods, Cain seems unable to sink any of his putts, but he does seem to like swinging the club around.  I think his favorite club is a 9 9 9 iron.  Or maybe a 6 and a 9 iron, and a couple of woods.  Poor guy just can't seem to get the ball in the hole.  

BTW, I had already predicted that there would likely be more women, and I suspect that this will not be the end either.   I also suspect that the two other women who are currently being "gagged" by Herman's lawyers will find a way to get their stories out there.

Hey, has anyone else noticed that Herman is starting to grow his laurel wreath afro to hide his demonic horns?

Sex harrassment victim and lawyer says Horny Herman 999 Cain Is Lying

Unsurprisingly, one of the sex harrassment victims of Horn Dog Herman Cain and her lawyer say that Squirmin' Herman is lying about his inappropriate conduct, and is hiding behind a "gag order".  Gee, I'm sure Cain wanted to gag that woman with more than just a legal document.  Sounds kinky.  Now he's hiding like a little b!tch behind the the non-disclosure clause of the settlement, but what do you want to bet that this information will come out, and quickly.  You can run Hound Dog Herman, but you can't hide.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

HornDog Herman Says He's Being "Smeared"...with oil or whip cream, baby?

In the tiny mind of Horndog Herman Cain, it is a "smear campaign" for people to report the fact that he signed legal documents giving five figure settlements to two woman who allege that he sexually harrassed them when he headed the National Restaurant Association from 1996 to 1999.  Now, I know you may be asking, what does he want smeared on him this time, oil or whip cream?  The fact that Horny Herman tried to lie about this case is the only thing that gave the story legs.  He first said it was unfounded, but you don't usually pay out up to $99,999 if the case has absolutely no merit at all.  He then said he didn't remember the case or the fact that he had signed the documents himself, 12 years ago.  Now I know 12 years is a long time, but I think most people would remember an accusation like this, unless these kinds of charges were made against him SO FREQUENTLY that he LOST TRACK.  One has to wonder if there are more bimbo eruptions waiting in the wings.  Herman, repeat after me, "I did NOT have sexual relations with those women..." .  
Come on now, surely he knew that something like this would cum up in the campaign eventually.  Apparently he didn't pay up enough to keep his woman problems under wraps.  Or maybe he will use the same excuse that he used about the electric fence on the border, where he first said, I was just JOKING, and then later said NO I WASN'T.  Maybe he thinks we all just need to get a SENSE OF HUMOR about sexual harrassment.  Hey, did you hear the one about the corrupt businessman who sexually harrassed two co-workers and then paid them five figure settlements?  Yeah, it cost him the presidential nomination...ha ha.  That was a gut buster.

Here's a hint for you Herman.  If Republicans had a SENSE OF HUMOR they wouldn't be Republicans anymore.  Then you would get even less votes.

Horny Herman Cain Signed the Sex Settlement That He Doesn't Remember

Herman Cain apparently has a pretty bad memory.  He claims he doesn't even remember the fact that he signed settlements for five figure payouts to two women who accused him of sexual harrassment.  This conveniently Reganesque lack of memory does not bode well for his prospects of running the country.

Squirming Herman first tried to wriggle out of this controversy by claiming that the accusers were anonymous.  However, that's because he knew that the SETTLEMENT HE SIGNED had a NON-DISCLOSURE clause, that required the women to remain anonymous.  Now he tells us that he can't remember signing the agreement.  Most people who had to pay five figures a piece would remember that.  But I guess it was somebody else's money, since the National Restaurant Association picked up the tab for his little dalliance, so who cares about that, right?

I suppose that next Herman 999 Cain will say that he doesn't remember signing a deal with the Devil, who gave him is 999 Plan.