Horny Herman Thought Pokeman Was A Porno

Horny Herman Cain has finally admitted that he quoted a theme song to Pokeman in one of his debate speeches.  Of course, in fairness to Herman Cain, he probably thought Pokeman was a guy like him, trying to poke his schlong into anything that moved.  If he had known that Pokeman was actually just for sexless geeks who got no game where it counts, then he probably would have been like "Aww Hell NO!"....except that actually it sounds like Cain couldn't figure out how to score very successfully either, even when using "do you want a job or not" as his principal pickup line.  Oh well, I got to use up the last of my Herman Cain jokes before he completely vanishes from the public consciousness, which will be about another five seconds from now.

How Long Before Cain Is Kicked to Curb by Wife?

Let's get real here.  Cain's wife knew he was seeing women on the side.  Now that he has humiliated her in front of the entire nation, how long will it be before she is approached by a lawyer who explains that she can take him to the cleaners in divorce court.  Hey, maybe she can hire Gloria Allred too, just like the other victims of Horny Herman's sex abuse.  Or maybe she can enlist some of the lawyers involved in the Jerry Sandusky case.

Of course, there is a chance that she doesn't have the courage or self-respect to do this, but that is about the only thing that may prevent her from immediately KICKING HORNY HERMAN TO THE CURB.  If she does not then it makes her no better than any of the other $5 hoes that Horny Herman has been trying to bang.

Perhaps his appearance in divorce court will be the last that we have to hear of the public embarrassment known as Herman Cain.  

Horny Herman Gone Wild. More "Awkward", "Inappropriate" Conduct

Horny Herman just can't control himself these days.  Here's Horn Dawg Herman groping a feel from Michele Bachmann.  Doesn't he look like some kind of trench coat pervo?  Hey Herman, you better be careful.  I hear she doesn't believe in birth control.  

But that's just GETTING WARMED UP.  There's more.... Now conservative Iowa radio talk show host Steve Deace is reporting that Horny Herman has, "said things to both of my female staffers that at best are professionally awkward if not inappropriate over the last several months."  I wonder how much he is going to have to pay those women to gag them and tie them up, so to speak, with "non-disclosure" agreements.  Note to Herman:  Non-disclosure is not about whether she will take her clothes off.  Glad we could clear that up for you.

Horn Dog Herman's Campaign Manager Says More Sex Stories Likely

Horny Herman Cain's own campaign manager was quoted as saying that, "we could see other baseless allegations made against him as this appalling smear campaign continues".  That is code for saying that Horn dog Herman knows that there are plenty of other women out there who he messed around with, or tried to mess around with, and he knows damn good and well that there is about to be a full-scale "bimbo eruption" as Mount St. Herman melts down in the next few days.  Actually, Herman is literally the furthest thing from a saint, being the Antichrist and all, but it sounds like hell harlots have been let loose, and we all know that Hell hath no fury like a woman unsatisfied by Herman's pudgy and unimpressive manhood.  Strap yourselves in folks, 'cause you're in for a bumpy ride in the next few days on this latest episode of Herman's Girls' Gone Wild.

3rd Woman Accuses Horny Herman 999 Cain of Sexual Misconduct

Horn Dog Herman Cain is now starting to have a Tiger Woods moment, and no, it's not because he's good at golf.  A third woman has come forward and said that Horny Herman tried to put the moves on her, inviting her to his corporate apartment "love nest", presumably to tell her how she could climb his corporate ladder.

Unlike Tiger Woods, Cain seems unable to sink any of his putts, but he does seem to like swinging the club around.  I think his favorite club is a 9 9 9 iron.  Or maybe a 6 and a 9 iron, and a couple of woods.  Poor guy just can't seem to get the ball in the hole.  

BTW, I had already predicted that there would likely be more women, and I suspect that this will not be the end either.   I also suspect that the two other women who are currently being "gagged" by Herman's lawyers will find a way to get their stories out there.

Hey, has anyone else noticed that Herman is starting to grow his laurel wreath afro to hide his demonic horns?

HornDog Herman Says He's Being "Smeared"...with oil or whip cream, baby?

In the tiny mind of Horndog Herman Cain, it is a "smear campaign" for people to report the fact that he signed legal documents giving five figure settlements to two woman who allege that he sexually harrassed them when he headed the National Restaurant Association from 1996 to 1999.  Now, I know you may be asking, what does he want smeared on him this time, oil or whip cream?  The fact that Horny Herman tried to lie about this case is the only thing that gave the story legs.  He first said it was unfounded, but you don't usually pay out up to $99,999 if the case has absolutely no merit at all.  He then said he didn't remember the case or the fact that he had signed the documents himself, 12 years ago.  Now I know 12 years is a long time, but I think most people would remember an accusation like this, unless these kinds of charges were made against him SO FREQUENTLY that he LOST TRACK.  One has to wonder if there are more bimbo eruptions waiting in the wings.  Herman, repeat after me, "I did NOT have sexual relations with those women..." .  
Come on now, surely he knew that something like this would cum up in the campaign eventually.  Apparently he didn't pay up enough to keep his woman problems under wraps.  Or maybe he will use the same excuse that he used about the electric fence on the border, where he first said, I was just JOKING, and then later said NO I WASN'T.  Maybe he thinks we all just need to get a SENSE OF HUMOR about sexual harrassment.  Hey, did you hear the one about the corrupt businessman who sexually harrassed two co-workers and then paid them five figure settlements?  Yeah, it cost him the presidential nomination...ha ha.  That was a gut buster.

Here's a hint for you Herman.  If Republicans had a SENSE OF HUMOR they wouldn't be Republicans anymore.  Then you would get even less votes.

Horny Herman Played Hide the Pepperoni. Can You Say Anthony Weiner?

Horny Herman is squirmin like a Weiner after first denying that knew about a settlement and then admitting that at least one woman who alleges she was sexually harrassed by him was paid a large sum of money.  In the past 24 hours he has tried to discredit these reports, complaining that they are "anonymous", but the settlement included a "non-disclosure agreement", so Horny Herman knew full well that the accusers cannot come forward, according to the terms of the settlement.  It looks like Horny Herman was pimping his pepperoni around the National Restaurant Association, and he eventually got his salami stuck in a tight little spot that he had to pay a five figure sum to get out of.  Maybe he should have just gone to a hooker.  It would have cost less.
He seems pretty desperate to make this go away.  It smacks of the desperation we last saw from the former golden boy on the Left, Anthony Weiner.