Friday, September 30, 2011

Religious Lunatic Anwar Awlaki Neutralized. Now What About Bachmann.

It has been confirmed that U.S. born and therefore traitorous Anwar Awlaki, the self-styled leader of Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, has been killed in Yemen.  This miserable piece of human garbage, due to his religious extremism, has fomented numerous attacks, or attempted attacks, against the US, including recruiting the "underwear bomber", preaching to three of the 9/11 hijackers, and communicating with Nidal Hassan who went on a shooting spree at Fort Hood.  He is also believed to have been behind the failed "ink bomb plot" where explosives were placed in printer cartridges, in an attempt to blow up cargo planes and other unsuspecting targets.  Therefore there is no doubt that he deserved execution, being condignly blown to bits in an airstrike on his motorcade.  Furthermore, no paradise of virgins awaits the unglamorous chore of servicing this disgusting, hirsute, little troll.  He is simply dead, and with him the allure of his rag-tag organization.  It's only too bad that this doesn't happen to more religious extremists of the non-muslim variety, like we find in our country today, many of whom, such as Michele Bachmann, have advocated violence against their own countrymen to advance their own religious agendas.  Pat Robertson is yet another example of an individual who has "joked" that he wishes that a nuclear bomb would be detonated in a US government building, and who has spoken approvingly of assassinations.  Many individuals in the Tea Party, such as failed senatorial candidate Sharon Angle, who also suffer from religious lunacy, have advocated "Second Amendment Remedies" (i.e. shooting people who disagree with you) and slogans like "If ballots don't work, bullets will".  Such rhetoric from these right-wing, holier-than-thou types, such as Angle and Palin may have well be responsible for inspiring the attempted assassination of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.  When will the terrorist networks that live in some Christian megachurches and televangelist studios be dealt with in the same way is it is when it comes out of Mosques in Yemen?

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

We Don't Wanna Go To Heaven If We CAN Get In

The band O.A.R. (Of A Revolution) has been getting a lot of play, since their album dropped last month, especially on a song called "Heaven".  The lead singer, Marc Roberge, was supposedly inspired by the It Gets Better anti-bullying video campaign, which sought to address persecution in the LGBT community.

In the main refrain, the song states, "Everybody's got a problem with the way I live.  I don’t wanna go to heaven if I can’t get in".  We understand your sentiment Roberge, despite the awkwardness of the wording and the logic. You made it sound more like Groucho Marx's quip, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."   And of course you don't want to go somewhere if you know the door is going to be locked when you get there.  That doesn't mean you wouldn't like to get in if you could get past the locked door, though.  

However,  what I am suggesting, is that people "Should NOT want to go to heaven, EVEN if they CAN get IN".  Here's why.  We are told that there are all kinds of things that we are forbidden to do here on Earth because they chafe God's holy bunghole, or make baby Jebus cry.  So, if we make ourselves miserable for our entire lives, and never get to do what we want, but only do what God wants, then we finally get our eternal reward in "heaven", RIGHT?  We can finally do whatever sick, twisted stuff we have always wanted to do, like shoving fire crackers up the butts of puppies, or snort blow from a hooker's tits, right?  Well ....ummmm...... NO!  Hell NO, in fact.  In "heaven" you still can't do any of these things.  Now, maybe if you're a Muslim then Allah will let you bang a few chicks and drink some wine, which he frowned upon while you were on Earth, but for the rest of the time you had best get on your prayer rug and eternally bite the carpet, singing Allah's praises, or He will still totally $mite your a$$.

The same is true in any "paradise" run by an omnipotent bully.  It's only really ever TRUE paradise for the top dog.  You have to do what God says during your life in order to go to His "paradise" in the afterlife.  However, when you get there, the afterlife is just an eternity of doing what God orders you to do, and if you ever screw up, which is easy to do when you're an imperfect being and you've  got an eternity on your hands, then you could end up being tossed into Hades.  Either way, you are God's eternal puppet.  Instead of doing what you want, you will have to learn to like what God wants, which means sacrificing everything that makes you unique as an individual.  

So, in reality, if Mr. Roberge were more accurate he should be singing, "I don't want to go to heaven if I can't be me".  I don't wanna go to heaven 'cuz I won't give in.  I want freedom apart from the dictates of God and you can never get that in God's Kingdom, if it truly did exists.  To paraphrase a popular religious slogan, I have no king including Jesus, nor do I need one, apart from my own will.  Hey, maybe these O.A.R. guys really are more revolutionary than they appear, if they can get people to overthrow, in their own minds, the fool's paradise known as "heaven".  

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Dumb-as-Hell Michele and her Crusade against HPV vaccines

One has to marvel at the paltry intellect of Dumb-as-Hell Michele (Bachmann) and those even-dumber-than-hell tea baggers who vote for this continual embarrassment of a congresswoman.  I realize that they will vote for anyone with an R after their name, but one would think they could find someone who wasn't such a demonstrable dolt and a fraud.  Millions of doses of HPV vaccine have already been given out, and yet she still thinks she can get away with scare-tactics and lies, claiming that the vaccine causes "mental retardation".  No, honey, that's what your propaganda causes.  Are you telling us that there are millions of people who are now retarded because of this vaccine.  That should be quite a windfall for Republicans because that's about the only base they've got left as they continue to sabotage the economy and as they continue to do nothing about record unemployment.  They're the only one's dumb enough to still believe that the proper role of government is to do NOTHING, which is what tea-baggerism really advocates -- de facto anarchy.

Teabaggers like Michele Baggmann insist that it's not the government's job to fix unemployment, or pretty much to do anything.  Well somebody has to be able to do something about it, because private industry certainly is not fixing the problem.  Michele is fine with government intruding into your personal life and giving you constant Christian morality lectures about your sex life.  She is fine with telling the 470,000 people who get cervical cancer every year that she is one of the people who fought for their freedom to get cancer and not let the gub'mint tell them to get a shot instead.

What would Jesus think about kicking people off of unemployment in the middle of a recession and slashing government spending to people on government programs like medicare and social security?  I know she thinks he'd be leading the charge, but the reality is that Jesus thought people should care for the poor.

And there is no bigger government than God, Michele.  God's Kingdom is a government that controls every aspect of every individual's life down to the most minute detail.  However, it's hard to believe that God would tell people that they shouldn't get a vaccine to prevent cancer.

The idea that HPV vaccination would encourage sexual activity is about like saying that learning how to properly put on a bullet-proof vest would make people want to go out and get shot at.  It's about like saying that installing fire sprinklers is going to make it more likely that kids will play with matches.

So HER solution is to ban bullet-proof vests and fire sprinklers?  At least she doesn't want the gub'mint telling you that you HAVE to do it.  Really?  They can tell you to wear a seat belt or what speed you can drive at, or set a million other safety regulations, but if you're too stupid to get a vaccine that prevents cancer, then she thinks they shouldn't force you to do it anyway.  Fine, then the parents should be prosecuted for child endangerment, and I hope the children later sue their parents for civil damages, holding up the paper in court where their parents signed an "opt-out" for a free vaccination that could have saved the child's life.

This is a rare case where Rick Perry was actually right (by accident) about one thing, and now every fundamentalist nosepicker in the US is coming out of the woodwork to condemn him for it.  How dare you actually do something intelligent.  You're a Republican, by GOD.  You're only supposed to do things that are STUPID!  And Dumb-as-Hell Michele is leading the Crusade.  If there really were a God he would strike Michele with cervical cancer right now and make sure that she died from it very slowly (not that I would wish that even on her).

Friday, September 16, 2011

Doctor Bachmann Discovers Retardation via Inoculation

Eminent medical expert Michele Bachmann has just made the breakthrough discovery that the HPV vaccine Gardasil causes mental retardation, stunning the medical community with her research.  Work is underway to present her with this years Nobel Prize in Medicine, just as soon as she produces the slightest shred of evidence for her otherwise completely unfounded claim.  Otherwise, she might earn a Darwin Award for killing her political career by prostituting the Truth in the service of religious fanaticism.  In the process she appears to have infected the Truth with HPV and AIDS.

BTW, you know what actually causes mental retardation, aside from listening to the Rush Limbaugh show?  Cervical cancer does.  That's right, because it causes you to DIE, and causes your IQ to decrease to ZERO!  Therefore, if the HPV vaccine saves you from cervical cancer then it actually raises your IQ far above what you would be if you were DEAD.

Retards 4 Bachmann

As already reported, Michele Bachmann is now peddling the asinine, completely unfounded, defamatory claim that the Gardasil HPV vaccine can cause "mental retardation".  I know you all may be thinking, how many doses of HPV vaccine did Michele take, anyway?  I mean, I thought she was against the stuff.

It turns out that this stuff is old hat for the religious right.  They make lots of bogus medical claims all the time.  Many of them have been against vaccination since vaccination was invented in the 1800's.  They also claim that condoms can't prevent STDs like AIDS.  They claim that abortions increase a woman's risk of breast cancer.  All of these are false.  These people are the furthest thing from medical experts, and asking their opinion on medicine is like asking a plumber his opinion about brain surgery or rocket science.

It goes without saying that people like Michele Bachmann doesn't care about the truth in the slightest.  She will say absolutely anything.  She is just a brunette version of Michaele Salahi, and has about the same level of social grace.

This leads one to ask, who in the world could possible be dumb enough to support Michele Bachmann.  The answer has to be *people even dumber than her*.  Since most of the things coming out of Bachmann's mouth are borderline retarded anyway, apparently this would make her supporters, full-on, certifiable, D-level special ed.

However, this provokes the follow-up question of, "Why would Bachmann supporters worry about the HPV vaccine causing mental retardation when they are already mentally retarded?"  One would think they would already have immunity.  I mean, perhaps they are worried that it will drop their IQs from 2 to 1, but, seriously, it wouldn't be much of a difference.

Bachmann's RETARDED HPV Claim

Comic relief GOP candidate Michele Bachmann proved just how unqualified she is to hold any public office including dog catcher by endorsing the ludicrous claim that the HPV vaccine can cause "mental retardation".  What reams of scientific research has she produced.  None, of course.  She claims that an anonymous constituent told her that her daughter, "suffered mental retardation as a result of that vaccine."  Now, you will note, that Michele Bachmann is supposedly trained as a lawyer, albeit from a Christian school.  However, even there, they presumably teach them the difference between hearsay/gossip and actual, legally admissible evidence.  If Bachmann truly believed there was strong evidence that the vaccine caused "mental retardation" then surely she would have offered her legal services to sue the pants of Merck & Co, the makers of the HPV vaccine Gardasil.  Surely she would be proposing legislation to immediately ban the drug.  Instead, she is repeating idle gossip from a source that probably does not even exist.

Enter Bioethicist Art Caplan, who offered Michele Bachmann ten thousand dollars, donated to the charity of her choice, if she could produce this alleged constituent and her "evidence" that Gardasil had caused her daughter's mental retardation.  What are the odds that Michele Bachmann, who believes in the resurrection of a 2000-year-old super zombie named Jesus without any evidence, will be able to produce any reasonable evidence for this latest ridiculous belief?

This is the same woman whose "clinic" performed de-gay-ification therapy.  Yes, you can guilt a gay person into repressing his or her sexual desires, just as you can do with a straight person, and you can change someone's sexual orientation from gay to straight about as easily as you can change it from straight to gay, which is to say, not very damn easily.  Maybe she should see if she can get Merck to work on an anti-gay vaccine for her.  It might, of course, have the side effect of turning them into retards and fundamentalist Christians, but I'm repeating myself.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Senile Pat Robertson Says Divorce OK for Alzheimers

Apparently senile old Pat thinks that if one's wife gets Alzheimer's disease that it's just fine and dandy to divorce her.  His argument is that Alzheimer's "is a kind of death" and that "his wife, as he knows her, is gone".  Of course, this is the same guy who think that killing a single-celled, fertilized embryo with no brain or developed nervous system is "murder".  So, by Pat's argument, if Alzheimer's is "a kind of death", why does he not endorse euthanizing these individuals? As usual, he has not even remotely thought his position through, which is par for a the course for a guy who says that gay people and feminists are responsible for 9/11.  

Doddering old Pat also forgot another little part of the Bible called the _Sermon on the Mount_.  To wit, Jebus is quoted in Mt 5:31-32 as saying, "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Jesus doesn't appear to carve out any special exception for Alzheimer's.  Therefore Pat is just making up his own Bible, preaching that, and still using the brand name called "Christianity".

However, this apparently doesn't bother Pat, because he is the kind of Christian who sins as much as he can and then says, "Jesus will just have to forgive me!"  After all, Jesus was supposed to have died for sins and Pat wouldn't want the sacrifice of Jesus to have been in vain.  He wants to make sure that he gets as much mileage out of that sacrifice as possible.  

This is one reason that I say that Christians who take their faith seriously are quite dangerous, because, if they're like Pat, they think they can get away with anything and say, "It's OK because I believe in Jesus, so I've got a Get-Out-Of-Hell-Free card". Maybe that's why he has advocated assassinating world leaders and setting off nuclear devices in US government buildings.  Pat has turned Dostoevsky's dictum on its head to suggest that "If Jesus does exist then all is permitted (of believers)".