Saturday, July 2, 2011

Pope says selfish food speculators driving up prices

Pope Benedict complained about the "selfish attitudes" of speculators, whom he accuses of driving up the prices of food, especially in the Third World. He then ate a $10,000 filet mignon off a solid gold plate, wiped his mouth with a $50,000 silk napkin, and took a dump in his platinum toilet that flushes with Dom Perignon instead of water. Ok, so the last part is slightly exaggerated to make the rather obvious point that a man who lives in a palace of priceless artworks, and who carries jewel encrusted scepters, and sits on a throne is in no position to lecture others about being greedy. Therefore, even though I agree with the Pope's sentiment, he is certainly the wrong person to be making the appeal, for this reason, and also because other church policies have made poverty even worse.

You know what I'm talking about. I'm sure that the Vatican's very next statement was to encourage the Third World to have lots more children and make sure not to use condoms or other forms of contraception which might thwart the will of the impotent almighty. The Lard will provide, right? Not so much, or the Pope wouldn't need to get off his throne and complain about how other greedy people, except for his church, seems be part of the problem.

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