Plastic Mitt Romney Now 3rd Place Behind Newt and Crazy Ronny

The exit of Pokemon-quoting halfwit Herman Cain has blasted the Newtered Newt Gingrich into undeserved front-runner status, but now apparently crazy Ronny Paul is in SECOND PLACE in IOWA. What happened to the PLASTIC-HAIRED MORMON, you might be asking?  Well the news looks bad for Plastic Man Mitt, the only serious candidate that Republicans had.  Plastic Mitt has now dropped to THIRD PLACE behind these two jokers because apparently Republicans have just COMPLETELY GIVEN UP on winning the Presidency in 2012.  The odds of boring, absent-minded history professor Newt, turned lecher and lobbyist, beating a dynamic incumbent like Obama are essentially non-existent.

However, in some ways it is deeply ironic that Newt Gingrich, the architect of the economic free-fall we have today, the champion of tax cuts for the rich and spending cuts for the poor, the quintessential trickle-down, voodoo economics cheerleader, may now be made to answer for the ruin and devastation that Republican policies have caused for this country.  This is the man who abolished those pesky regulations on Wall Street and banking, and thinks it's a great thing for US firms to fire American workers and send the jobs overseas to China.  This is a guy who think that child labor laws in the US are stupid and that poor children should be put to work as janitors in their schools.  Newt went on to say that the only work experience that poor children in the US have is committing illegal activities.  Of course none of this is consistent with actual facts, but this is the "scholar" that Republicans have now chosen over Mr. Poke-it-in Pokeman Herman Cain.  

Rick Perry Cries Persecution Over Christianity. Yeah, Right!

GOP fading star Rick Perry is now making the all too frequently heard whining noises that he is being persecuted for his Christian beliefs.  I mean, obviously there could be no other explanation for his poor performance in the polls, except perhaps his inability to complete a logically coherent sentence.

Oh poor little martyr.  Here's a cross and some nails.  I'm sure there would be no shortage of volunteers to help attach you.  This is about as believable as a Muslim in the Middle East claiming to be persecuted for his or her Islamic beliefs.  The fact is that Perry was busy slamming Romney over his Mormon beliefs, and apparently his criticisms of Mormonism were perceived, even by Republicans, as an unfair attack on that man's religion.  So for Perry to now try to turn the tables and say that he is being persecuted for his bigoted attacks on Mormonism really seems surreal.  

Not that I would waste even a syllable defending the many ridiculous, transparently fraudulent, and utterly laughable "beliefs" of Mormonism.  Few people who were not indoctrinated since birth in that religion can find the Book of Mormon even remotely plausible, or even readable.  Perhaps that's why Mark Twain referred to the Book of Mormon as "Chloroform in print" (and, no I don't think he meant that in a good way, FYI).  

Sorry, poor little Richie Rich, apparently GOP voters like Satanic Herman Cain and his Mark of the Beast 999 Tax plan more than they like you.  If you want to blame someone for being tired of your fundamentalist claptrap, perhaps you should start with GOP voters, since there are apparently willing to vote for a guy with 999 stamped on his forehead before they are willing to pull the lever for you.  However, the good news is that this should usher in the end of the world any day now and then you all can be with Jebus on a cloud somewhere.  

999 Anti-Christ Cain Tied with Plastic Haired Mormon Romney

Republicans voters are on the horns (literally) of a dilemma.  Cain and Romney are tied., according to the latest poll.  Who will they vote for, someone who trots out his Satanic Mark of the Beast 999 tax plan, or a plastic haired Mormon who believes that God lives on the planet Kolob and probably has a secret harem larger than Warren Jeffs?  One wonders what the fundamentalist Christians must be thinking when Rick Perry, the only actual "washed in the blood" Bible (il)Literalist of the bunch, is only polling at 9%.  If this is not proof that Republicans would sell their souls (again literally) because of their hatred of Obama then what is?  Imagine if Barack Obama had trotted out a plan like the 666 Universal Healthcare Plan?  I doubt that would put him at the top of GOP polls like it has with Cain.

85th Wife of Warren Jeffs Escapes FLDS Cult Compound. Romney has no comment.

An unnamed 25-year-old woman, who is reportedly one of 85 wives of convicted child molester Warren Jeffs, has escaped from an isolated Arizona compound run by the Fundamentalist LDS (uberMormon) church and is now in Phoenix.   Jeffs, you may recall, was in a coma from a three-day hunger strike in prison, where he is serving a life sentence.  However, unfortunately, Jeffs has reportedly recovered from his hunger strike after several weeks in the hospital and therefore, most regrettably, is still be housed at taxpayer expense.

Apparently, even a cult which brainwashes women since birth and blackmails them with family pressure, cannot convince all 85 of these women to remain part of Jeffs harem.  The notion that 85 separate women would want to each have a 1/85th share of a husband, no matter how good he might be is laughable.  If one adds the extremely meager physical and mental qualities that Jeffs possesses into the mix then it is clear that these women are virtual slaves.  However, many of them are imprisoned mentally perhaps even more than they are imprisoned physically and through social control.   Mental prisons are sometimes the most difficult from which to escape, though apparently this one woman has managed to do so and is undergoing counseling.

GOP front-runner Mitt Romney, also a Mormon, had no comment on whether he would be choosing Jeffs as a potential running mate.  Naturally, Romney, like many Mormons today, claim to belong to a sanitized version of the Mormon church which does not OFFICIALLY allow multiple marriages (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).  If Mitt were to become president, perhaps this woman could become the 85th First Lady.  However, one wonders how Mitt would run the country and still have time for his 85 wives.  One wonders how any many could have time to do anything with 85 women to please.  One is often hard enough.