Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Are Romney's Tax Returns in His Magic Undies?

One has to wonder why Mitt Romney doesn't want to turn over his tax returns for the previous twelve years before 2012.  A lot of people say that it is because he likely exploited tax loop holes to effectively pay zero taxes for more than a decade.  Of course, we will never know.  My own personal theory is that this has to do with his religion.  I am suggesting that, perhaps he printed his tax documents on the same material out of which magic mormon undies are made.  That was pretty craft.  It would then allow him to claim the religious prerogative not to reveal his taxes on the grounds that no good Mormon should be going around flashing his magic underpants to the entire rest of the United States.  Of course, no good Mormon should be a constant, compulsive liar like Romney either.  If you ask the guy what time it is, he'll give you three different answers and then deny that he told you any of those.

Now I know that Mormons of late have started to claim that they are offended when people refer to this ludicrous undergarments, which are probably made in Chinese sweatshops anyway, as "magic underwear".  They claim that we would not be so disrespectful about the dress of people in other religions.  That simply shows that they haven't been paying attention.  People always make fun of the dots on the foreheads of Hindus, and the Pope's funny hats, and the "beanies" that jews wear, etc, etc.  It is all in good fun, of course, because, for anyone outside of the religion there is no expectation that the signficance of the garments, or even the names for them will be widely know.  Also, no reasonable person expects others outside their own religion to really respect the bizarre beliefs of those inside the religion.  For example, many of the tens of thousands of sects of Christianity claim that all other Christians are "lost" and probably "going to hell", and those are their fellow Christian brethren.  One can only imagine the tortures they envision for those outside the faith as arguably Mormonism could be classified.  Mormons, by the way, are do different in their generalized intolerance (if not bigotry) toward all those who are non-Mormon.  Many are know to refer to all non-Mormon, including Jews, as "gentiles".

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