Its 3/13/13. Will new pope be elected at 13:13 pm

It's double 13 day today, since the day and the year end in 13.  I'm not a superstitious person, but 13 is considered an unlucky number.  Judas was the 13th apostle.  Add to this the fact that medieval prophecies attributed to Saint Malachy say that there will be 112 popes before "doomsday" and Ratzinger was number 111.  Like I say, I don't believe in superstitions, but it would be a numerologically unlucky coincidence for the pope to be elected today, especially if the hour or minute includes a 13.  That would be doubly true if the Catholic church elects their first ever black pope, since cardinal Turkson, is a well-liked and viable candidate for pope this time.   As some people have heard it is now popular to claim that the Anti-christ will be a dark-skinned man.  This pretty  preposterous interpretation was heavily used against Barack Obama during both elections in the US, and we can expect that some will use it against Turkson as well in the papal elections.

Last Pope Prophecy Another Doomsday Prediction

With the previous pope now stepping down (sort of) and the cardinals meeting to pick his replacement, the usual suspects have emerged to claim that all of this silliness is part of vague and strange prophecies dating back to the middle ages.  Of course there is the go to prophet of Dumbassery, NostraDumbass himself, who can always be counted on to furnish something vague and undated.  But there is also the alleged writings of Saint Malachy, which many believe are a late forgery.  The text attributed to him names 112 popes from his day in the 1100's up to judgment day.  Benedict XVI is supposedly the 111th.  But most of the one line descriptions of the popes are very vague after the late 1500's, when the forgery was written.  But what's one more failed prophecy and one more holy forgery in a religion chock full of them?  After the Mayan prophecy,  I noted that this would have no effect on the superstitious, who will keep churning out new nonsense as though the previous nonsense didn't even exist.

Besides, if this next pope (allegedly named peter) is the last pope, we don't know how long he will be pope before doomsday.  He could live a very long time, or he could have a heart attack five minutes after being elected.

Hugo Chavez Dead. God Couldn't Save Him

Unlike other Marxists, like his atheist buddy Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez insisted that he remained devoutly Christian, in keeping with his Roman Catholic upbringing.  His religiosity seems only to have intensified since his battle with cancer began.  However, apparently all that praying couldn't cure his disease.  Indeed the 87-year-old atheist Fidel Castro is still around and kicking and Chavez is not.  So much for the power of prayer.

Former Pope Benny No Longer Infallible?

So, now that Pope Benedict has resigned and returned to just being plain old Joseph Ratzinger, what of his former Papal Infallibility.  He used to have a direct line to God, or so we have been told, on important matters of faith.  Has his long-distance account been terminated now?  Has told Benny that he no longer has any minutes left on his plan, and changed the access code?  Maybe without the papal decoder ring and staff and funny hat he can't receive the proper transmissions any more.
What if the new pope does say things that Benny disagrees with.  I know that right now the former Pope Benedict claims that he will be "obedient" to his new successor.  But why should he even need to say that unless there is a possibility that they will disagree?  Don't they talk to the same God?  Oh, right the new pope has the decoder ring now.  But don't you think that Pope Benny already downloaded God's answers on all the important issues of the day when he was pope all the way up to yesterday?  Are we really to believe that,  if the new pope is installed next month, and he then proceeds to abolish some policy that Ratzinger set up, that the Almighty changed his mind?
In short, isn't it time to admit that Popes are nothing but normal men (except in the alleged case of Pope Joan)?  Isn't it time to admit that they have no special access to God and that they are anything but infallible?

Pope Benny is Pope No More

Well Pope Benny is finally no longer the pope again, and they are not even sure when a new one will be selected, despite initial promises that it would be before Easter.  So Benny will go back to just being Ratty old Ratzinger.  He was a cardinal, but presumably he is retired from that as well.  I wonder if he will still dress up like a pimp or not.  I bet he will still wear a cross dress in the little man-skirts that Catholic priests and monks are wont to wear.

Why being pope is the easiest job in the world (part 2)

OK, so I get that Benedict is like 100 years old.  But you could be 150 year old  chimp and still do that job reasonably well.  First off, with enough funny hats and robes and a little bit of makeup (alright, maybe a little plastic surgery too), nobody would be able to tell you were a chimp.  Oh and you might need a few voice lessons, but John Paul II proved that you don't need much of a speaking voice.  Grunting is more than sufficient.
As with most things, the problem is that most people "over-think" it.  Now suppose that someone asks you some ridiculously tough question with no obvious right answer.  You don't have to be a genius to respond.  Here's all you gotta do.  Say, "Good question my son/daughter!  Let's pray together and see what God's answer is."  This will be enough for most people, because they will answer their own question and then say it's what God told them.  But for those who come back you can be like, "Oh, you again, eh?  Still didn't get an answer?  Did you read the Bible?  Twice?  And no skipping the boring parts!  That's what I thought!"  Note that actually, no matter how many times the person says he or she read the Bible, you will say, "Go back and read it ONE MORE TIME.  Oh, and make sure to pray (A LOT) for your answer while you're doing it."  If they still come back after that then you can lay some super-vague fortune cookie wisdom on them or quote them the lyrics of a pop song and if they still say, "How do you know that?" you just tell them, "Because I'm the Pope, that's why.  Next!"
Aside from that, being pope is just like being one of those mascot guys who get paid to dress in a costume outside some low rent business and dance around until people come inside.  Of course, if you're 150, you'll hire a "Pope double" or a "stunt Pope" to do those parts for you.

Pope Benedict Quits Easiest Job in World

OK, let me get this straight.  Pope Benedict has the absolute easiest, softest job in the world and he thinks its too hard, so we wants to resign.  I mean, let's get real, how hard is it really to be the Pope?  Is holding your gold and jewel encrusted scepter really that tough?  Does wearing the goofy hat make your neck muscles hurt? Is it that hard to live in palaces filled with priceless artwork and sit on the softest pillows atop your thrones and pulpits?

You are basically a king -- one of the last divine right monarchs in Europe -- and have people to do absolutely everything for you including wipe. That's why nobody has resigned the job in the last 600 years.

Now, I know people are still going to say that it must be "stressful" and compare it to being President of the US (POTUS), or some other head of state.  However, really, it is nowhere near as hard as being the POTUS.  For one thing, they can't vote you out of office no matter what you do.  Secondly, you don't have to convince anyone of anything.  It might be like the Supreme Court, but there is only one of you, and your word is law.  Plus, your decisions don't have to make a lick of sense.  In fact, it's better if nobody understands them.

You ain't gonna find an easier or better paid job, and it's not like Benedict had a lot of other marketable job skills.

Ding Dong Benedict Resigns. Term Limits for Popes?

Pope BeenADick has been the pope now for 8 years, but is now doing perhaps the most beneficial thing of his entire career, which is to resign from it.  He is quoted as saying, "I recognize my incapacity", but many of the rest of us recognized this before Ratzinger even elevated himself to this ill-considered position.  He was clearly far beyond retirement age even when he started as the Pope.  Granted he may have been more mentally functional than John Paul II.  However, so were most carrots on an average day.

As expected, his abortive little stint in the bully (literally) pulpit of Church was one last ditch effort to turn the clock back in many ridiculous ways.  Fortunately it failed.

However, his 8 year reign of errors does bring up a point about the terms that popes serve.  Even American presidents only serve 8 years.  Surely we shouldn't have to suffer popes even longer than that.

BTW, we can only hope that the Catholic leadership will seize this opportunity to find a progressive leader, though I wouldn't hold my breathe.  One could be waiting for a lot more than 8 years for that.

Travis Alexander and Mormon Virginity Farce

It is being reported that Travis Alexander, they estranged lover of Jodi Arias, whom she admits to brutally killing, wanted  to conceal his relationship with Arias from his Mormon friends, not because she was a CRAZY F*(KING B1T(H, but because he was a professed "virgin" and didn't want to his buddies in the local ward to know what he was tapping. This cult of virginity would be inappropriate in this century for just about any person over the age of about 16.  But it is even more inappropriate when coming from a religion that glorifies screwing as many women as you can convince to be your "wives", and the younger/dumber the better.  This is from a religion where chief figures in its foundation were legendary for their unrestrained excesses in the kinky, naughty department, with pretty much anything that moved, livestock included.

Therefore, while Mormon-boy certainly didn't deserve to be cut to pieces by his deranged paramour, one can't help but marvel at the bizarre beliefs that his church tried to force upon him, and he tried to pretend to uphold.  Of course, with all the pictures of Jodi and him on the internet, his "dirty little secret" seems to have been about as secure as the secret formula for Coca Cola (corn syrup + water).

Of course, they accepted Arias as a convert to mormonism, even though it was probably clear from day one that she had been banged on more times than the Book of Mormon and the Bible combined.

Also, what can really be said about the fact that Alexander was into watching UFC and mixed martial arts, and yet he gets offed by some 95 pound, mousy little waif.  I guess actually being able to fight is a lot harder than watching it on TV, eh?

Will Westboro Baptist Hate Group Picket in Brazil

The Westboro Baptist Hate group that normally pickets the funerals of american soldiers, and who wanted to picket the funerals of the children massacred at Sandy Hook elementary now has an opportunity to go international with the recent night club fire in Brazil that has claimed hundreds of lives.  Perhaps they can fly down there and see if Brazilian families will put up with their hateful antics.  I suspect that Mr. Phelps and his crew are far too chicken$h1t to do that, however. They're probably afraid that nobody would want to let them back in the country again, once they left.  But here is their opportunity.  Here's a little something to get them started.  In Portuguese, "God hates fags" is "Deus odeia bichas".

Brazil Nightclub Fire Not God's Wrath Just Pyrotechnics

When there is a fire in an over-crowded nightclub, as there inevitably will be, every few years, one can expect the various holy rollers to come out of the woodwork insisting that God has visited a "Sodom and Gomorrah" style fire and brimstone judgment upon the approximately 230 people who died there.  However, it appears that the real reason was the pyrotechnics that the band was using and the lack of adequate fire suppression.  I know that answer isn't as titillating to the Westboro Baptist jacka$$es who want to spin everything as an opportunity to play God and pass judgment on others.  By the way, I hope they go down and try to picket some of those funerals.  We shouldn't have to see their faces anymore.  Of course they would have to get their signs printed in Portuguese.  How does one say, "God hates fags" in Portuguese, anyway.

Arias Holy Ghost Sex and Whoredom Email

Just in case you weren't sure of how crazy Jodi Arias was, or whether her religious beliefs were at the root of her craziness, the ex-girlfriend of Travis Alexander, the guy Arias admits to killing, has an email that almost certainly came from Arias where who lays out the crazy for all to see. This is what the email said in part:
"You are a shameful whore. Your Heavenly Father must be deeply ashamed of the whoredoms you’ve committed with that insidious man. If you let him stay in your bed one more time or even sleep under the same roof as him, you will be giving the appearance of evil. You are driving away the Holy Ghost, and you are wasting your time..."  Of course, Jodi Arias resembles those remarks in just about every respect.  My theory is that perhaps the "Holy Ghost" originally wrote that email to Jodi, but just forgot to CC it to all of Travis's other girlfriends.  So Jodi rectified that little error by forwarding it to the various other bimbos Travis had been boffing in addition to her.

Quintuple Mass-murder in Albquerque NM

It is being reported that 15-year-old Nehemiah Griego, nephew of State Senator Eric Griego, murdered his father, prison chaplain Greg Griego, and four other family members, three of who were children.  An assault-weapon style rifle appears to be the primary weapon that was used.  Reporting of this last fact immediate drew the ire of lunatic gun nuts everywhere, who predictably trotted out every straw man fallacy in the book such as, "guns don't kill people..." and "you could kill someone with a tennis racket, so let's ban that and not the device that was actually used".
At least it will be difficult to argue that this kid killed because of lack of the Ten Commandments being taught, given that his father was a preacher.  Naturally, some other bogeyman, like violent movies will have to be blamed, even though they have the same violent movies in Canada and Australia, but don't have as many gun massacres, due to stricter GUN REGULATIONS.  How was this 15-year-old able to obtain ready access to a rapid-firing, high power assault style weapon?

Islamic Militants Murder 35 Westerners

Current reports indicate that Islamic militants who claim association with Al Qaeda had killed as many as 35 hostages, after attacking a BP plant in Algeria.  These individuals apparently are lead by a one-eyed smuggler and kidnapper called "Mr. Marlboro".  However, they nonetheless use the trappings and rhetoric of militant Islam to attempt to justify their actions.  Thus they have labelled the BP workers as "Crusaders" despite the fact that they hail from many countries, including Japan, and therefore are not likely to all be Christian.  Then again, Mr. Marlboro is about as much of a muslim as Saddam Hussein was, which is to say, in name only.

Jury in Arias Case Apparently Retarded

Jodi Arias has ADMITTED KILLING Travis Alexander, after radically changing her story completely, multiple times before.  To any intelligent person this would at least indicate perjury.  However, the Arizona jury, now in deliberation is asking questions like, "Dur.....ummm....did police check the alibis of Alexander's friends" (OK, they didn't have the "Dur" or the "ummm" part, but probably only because the questions have to be written, and they couldn't figure out how to spell "Dur" or "ummm", and didn't have a dictionary handy.  That's right, Arizona is one of three states where juries can ask questions of witnesses on their own, independent of those asked by attorneys.  HELLO, she is officially pleading guilty to being the killer, but is merely making an extremely unpersuasive argument that she did it in "self-defense".  Why do they need to check the alibis of friends if she now says that she is the one who did it?  Not only that, but there are F*CKING pictures of her dragging Travis's body, recovered from the camera.  Has the AZ school system really gotten this bad?  Is it something in the water?  Or are they really incapable of thinking that a pretty, dainty little thing like Jodi could do such a thing, even when she ADMITS it?

Mormon murderess Jodi Arias A Real Piece of Work

It seems that Jodi Arias is determined to be the next Casey Anthony.  Poor little Jodi is always depicted in a perpetual state of feeling sorry for herself (for getting caught, at least).  Poor little me.  I've only changed my story a dozen times about what actually happened.  As despicable as Holmes is, at least he has the honesty to crack a grin when looking at the evidence against him now and then, if to say, "effin A I did it, and enjoyed it too".  Not that any mentally sound person could enjoy that sort of thing.  By definition you would have to be perfectly OK with such things.  But whereas Holmes seems certifiably out to lunch and as calm as if he were watching his favorite TV show, apparently Jodi wants to put on Soap Opera theatrics.

On and, as far as the fact that she converted to Mormonism, yes it is technically correct, but she does seem to be way less of a Mormon than Mitt Romney, assuming that such a thing is possible for a man who took both sides of every conceivable issue.  But then along comes Jodi to lower the bar still farther.  She's the kind of Mormon who apparently sleeps around a lot and can casually kill people like it's all in a days work.  Mitt Romney only wanted to outsource your job and steal your grandma's social security, but at least he didn't want to stab you 27 times.  That would be too much work and he might have to momentarily remove that plastic smile from his face while doing it.

James Holmes and the Dangers of Delusion

The well known critic of religion, Friedrich Nietzsche famously commented that "A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith proves nothing".  Indeed, we have only to look to the example of Aurora mass-murderer James Holmes, who is (or at least was) convinced that the world was Batman comic book and that he was the Joker.  Current reports describe the elaborate, though somewhat Rube Goldberg booby trap contraption that he set up at his apartment, hoping it would kill whoever entered it to investigate the loud music. For those who insist that Mr. Holmes is "faking" mental illness, this device clearly demonstrates that he was the "real deal" in terms of being a sociopath, anyway.  

The question of whether we should execute a violent sociopath like James Holmes or Ander Brevik, etc is a separate matter.  I think it would be hard for any reasonable person who knew what Holmes did to ever feel safe around him, even if he were somehow declared "cured" of his illness.  Because of the threat that he would represent to society I think that society could quite easily argue that executing him was a simple matter of self-defense.  Then the issue of his mental state isn't even relevant, because it only matters that he is dangerous, and not whether he is acting out of insanity versus depravity.  

However, what most people refuse to confront in a case such as this, is the clear danger of holding absurd beliefs.  At the very least, the mere act of believing highly paranoid and nonsensical things often forces one to distort ones view of the rest of the world.  When the world is constantly telling you one thing, but you desperately want to believe something else, such as that you live in a comic book, then you will have no choice but to distort the information from the world around you to conform to your agenda.  Of course, it helps if you have a neurological disorder that generates your delusions "naturally", but delusions can come from the outside as well.  

People who actually believe elaborately paranoid claims about the Illuminati and the New World Order, under the secret leadership of Muslim Marxist Kenyan-born Barrack Obama, coming to confiscate your gun and your Bible so they can throw you in a concentration camp are holding a belief just as insane as Holmes, even though they may not have the neurologic disorder that Holmes does.  Of course, most right-wingers don't literally believe all of these things.  They just don't like Obama and therefore they are potentially sympathetic to almost anything other people say that is critical of him, even if it's way out there.  

However, the ones we have to be careful of are the ones who that that seriously, because they are the future Timothy McVeighs and James Holmes's of the world.  

christaholic justin bieber caught ogling victorias secret models

On more than one occasion Justin Bieber has been observed ogling and fraternizing with the Victorias Secret models who are part of his stage act.  Any man with a penis would do the same thing, but Justin isn't supposed to be man or have a penis.  That's right, he loves Jebus so much that he wants to take it up the butt from the jay man.  Plus he just broke up with Selena.  So apparently he is having some temptations of the flesh and Jesus would not be happy about that at all.  In fact Jesus would recommend that Justin chop off his shrivelled little boy wee-wee and cast it into the fire, instead of going to hell for being a fornicator.  So I wonder what Justin will do.  My money is that he will succumb to temptation and then expect to be forgiven later. 

Wishful weight loss resolutions Part 2

As noted in part 1, the bottom line to why most people won't lose weight or succeed in their other resolutions is because they approach it from the perspective of magical, wishful thinking.  They want the result, but they aren't really willing to do anything of substance to accomplish it.  They think that wanting something is all that it take to accomplish it, but they have no realistic plan.

It's like a person saying, "I want to climb Mount Everest", who knows nothing about climbing mountains.   We wouldn't take such a person seriously, because we know that it takes experience, and training, and planning to climb Mount Everest. Of course, it sounds rather rude to tell an over-weight person that he or she will similarly not succeed in weight loss because that person doesn't have a plan, and doesn't have the training to know how to lose weight effectively.  Rude or not, however, it happens to be the unvarnished truth.

Also, if your "plan" is to "hire a trainer" or "join a gym" then that is just pretending to have a plan and hoping that the act of wasting money will somehow burn calories.  Nobody ever got thin just by spending money. And if they aren't even willing to do something simple, like change what they drink, they they certainly aren't going to change how they eat or exercise.

As far as exercise, this needs to be addressed too. Many people who aren't even willing to give up sugars and fried foods still vow that they will undertake Herculeanian exercise routines, and that this will allow them to lose weight, while still eating garbage.  It is yet another urban myth that you can exercise weight off without changing your diet.  You can't burn enough calories with exercise to make up for eating all those double-quarter pounders and super-sized fries.  Those few who even try will be too sore to move the next day and that defeat will provide a ready excuse to return to one's old food addictions.

BTW, you may be wondering what the hell I could possibly know about this subject.  Well, I have never been overweight, but I put on a few pounds a year for almost 20 years after high school until I was right on the verge of being obese.  Then, this summer, I decided to do what I know I always should have been doing, which was to cut out carbs, eat way more salads (no dressing) and drink water or tea only.  The result is that I lost 40 pounds.

Everyone I knew was shocked.  "How did you do it", they all wanted to know.  The answer sounds boring, because all I did is what every health professional has always said to do.  I did happen to know some things about health, as it turns out.  My parents always made sure I ate healthy, organic food growing up and I have been a health teacher.  I have tried diets in the past, so I know what the popular systems were, but I never really stuck to them or felt that I needed them.

That's actually the second thing that everyone told me.  "You didn't even need to lose weight".  Well, technically that's not true.  I was way over the weight that I needed to be.  Besides, should I really wait until I put on another 40 pounds and I feel too old and fat to deal with losing 80 pounds.  There isn't a special moment that one needs to wait for to start being healthy.  You can start it any time.

Furthermore, it's not really about weight.  It's just about eating things that contribute to your health and not eating more than you need.  Even though my cholesterol wasn't too high, and my blood pressure was borderline, and my glucose levels were good, I didn't want to wait until they got bad in order to get off my butt and do something.

Of course, the hardest part isn't losing the weight, it's keeping it off.  I may address that in Part 3.

Wishful weight loss resolutions Part 1

Magical thinking is the problem that most people have.  Far and away the top so-called "resolution" of people polled is to "lose weight" .... so long as they have to do absolutely NOTHING to accomplish it.
When people tell me that they want to lose weight I usually advise that they start by drinking nothing but water (or unsweetened tea).  That right there is usually enough to deter most people from losing weight.  "But I LIKE soda...", they tell me.  I don't even bother to explain to them that they don't actually know what they like because they have been programmed by thousands of hours of television advertisement to believe that they "like" whatever Coca Cola and Pepsi tells them they should like.  So, as an alternative, I tell them "then only drink diet sodas".  "But I DON'T LIKE diet sodas".  That's why you're fat.  Because you're not even willing to do something as simple as drink water or diet soda.  Of course some of them repeat the "artificial sweeteners give you cancer" bull$hit urban legends constantly repeated by the sugar and corn syrup industries.  First off, there are sweeteners like Stevia that are completely natural (not that this proves its healthy), but even sweeteners like sucralose or aspartame, no matter how bad you might believe they are, are better for you than the alternative which is obesity causing, calorie rich sugar and corn syrup.  Oh, I know people want to believe that "natural" cane sugar is "better" than corn syrup, and maybe it is on some level, but you still don't want either one.  There will still be the equivalent of 16 teaspoons of sugar or corn syrup in your average "Big Gulp" and you shouldn't be eating that amount of sugar all day, not to mention just at one meal, or several times a day.

Bottom line, if you want to lose weight then you will have to do something.  You have to give up something.  You have to make some kind of sacrifice, compared to your normal routine.  If you can't even give up drinking high calorie sodas, then you will never have the discipline to take things any further and lose real amounts of weight.

Mormon pedophile warren jeffs says world will end 12/31/12

False prophet, convicted pedophile, and barking mad religious lunatic Warren Jeffs, who still leads the Fundamentalist Mormon Church (FLDS) from behind bars, has laughably predicted that the world will end by tomorrow, 12/31/12.  This cultist psychopath revels in exercising mind control over his thousands of followers who dress like they are on the set of _Little House on the Prarie_, and believe in  "plural marriage".  In practice this translates to a bunch of fat, ugly, 50-year-old men using religion to bone a bunch of 13-year-old girls who are basically sex slaves.

Of course, his failed prediction will undermine his credibility, but that was bound to slip eventually, anyway.  In the mean time, this is just one more mind game to keep his followers in a state of permanent anxiousness and emotional chaos.  That makes them easier to manipulate, as I'm sure a life-long conman like Jeffs knows all too well, from constantly manipulating his gullible Mormon minions.

Canda, UK, Australian not dictatorships despite gun control

The NRA assures us that Barrack Obama is gonna "take your gun" and that this will be followed, almost instantaneously, by Nazi-style concentration camps and genocide. Of course, they already assured us that this would happen in Obama's first term.  Now they are absolutely certain that it will happen in the second term.  But there seems to be a problem with their theory in general.  If collecting guns leads directly to tyranny and concentration camps, then why hasn't this happened in Canada, the UK, or Australia.  They all have public health care systems (Obamacare/socialized medicine) as well, I might add.  However, we see no gas chambers or crematoriums.  In fact, Canada, the UK, and Australia, despite having gun control and public health care, which would be branded "communism" by Tea Party fanatics, actually have had "conservative" government of late.  But they haven't always had conservative governments, and they still have higher taxes, both in general, and on the wealthy than are found in the US...all without a dictatorship, or a modern-day holocaust, or cadres of gun-toting civilians to keep the government from being "oppressive".  So what gives?  Why is it that these countries are not dictatorships when the citizens are not armed to the teeth?

Subway murderess hated muslims and hindus

The woman who allegedly confessed to pushing a man in front of a subway train this past week, Erika Menendez, says that she did it because she hates "Hindus and Muslims ever since 2001 when they put down the twin towers".  Of course, if any Hindu had been involved in the 9-11 attacks, this is the first anyone has heard of it.  The person she murdered, Sunando Sen, was a Hindu, but Tea Party know-nothings have worked very hard to make sure many Americans think that anyone with brown skin is a "muslim".  They certainly worked hard to portray the man who beat them in the last presidential election was a "muslim, socialist, dictator,..." despite the fact that they don't understand what any of those "big words" actually mean.  So Mrs. Menendez, with her obvious lack of intelligence, poor education, bigotry, and religious intolerance would make a great addition to the Tea Party.  Perhaps they can run her when or if she ever gets out of prison.

NRA wants Santa and Elves Armed

In response to recent gun violence, which the NRA insists has nothing to do with guns or their policies of making them more easily accessible, Wayne "Call me Crazy" LaPierre has now decided that the Christmas holiday season will never be safe until Santa and his elves starts carrying guns.  "The only thing that can stop a Grinch with a gun is Santa with a gun!" LaPierre declared.  As to why Santa has never needed a gun in the past, the NRA blamed violent video games, rap music, and especially President Obama, though he was at a loss to say exactly how gun violence was Obama's fault.  "Whenever anything bad happens," he assured reporters, "it's always Obama's fault."

NRA will now demand firefighters be armed

The latest news that 4 firefighters were shot and two killed in a trap set for them by a rifle-wielding psychopath will probably cause "call me crazy" John Wayne LaPierre to demand that all firefighters carry assault rifles strapped to their backs.  This is the quagmire that the NRA has created through the intentionally proliferation of guns into the hands of every lunatic in America.